bailiff: all flies
28.02.2026 01:54 — 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0bailiff: all flies
28.02.2026 01:54 — 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
ME: (first day practicing Bug Law) May it please the Court—
BUG JUDGE: (sternly) Bug Court.
out: tattoos
in: dipping yourself in hot vinegar water and food coloring like an easter egg
new hair trend forecast: business on the left party on the right
18.02.2026 23:32 — 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0yes 😔
18.02.2026 20:46 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0dropping out of law school à la spencer shay
15.02.2026 23:47 — 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0being a hot guy named Trevor is diabolical — what is this, 2003?
12.02.2026 19:17 — 👍 3 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0if this gets 1000 likes I’m legally changing my last name to Cranberry
08.02.2026 22:15 — 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0a cat dressed in a suit at the kitchen table with a teacup and saucer and the newspaper. the caption reads: "I should immersion blender more things."
25.01.2026 23:47 — 👍 506 🔁 34 💬 15 📌 1sure she’s a bitch, but can you blame her?
19.01.2026 01:08 — 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0I’m a beatles guy now sorry
07.01.2026 03:43 — 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0I’ve watched enough derry girls to give my inner monologue an irish accent
04.01.2026 03:17 — 👍 3 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0it only took almost a decades worth of flights for me to like biscoff
30.12.2025 22:45 — 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0no feeling better than waving at a baby and the baby waving back 🥹🥹🥹
27.12.2025 16:04 — 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0merry christmas here’s a framed printout of all your worst tweets from when you were 19
25.12.2025 04:05 — 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0I’m kinda loving kim k’s girlboss lawyer show and it’s probably because I’m fucked in the head
10.12.2025 00:55 — 👍 3 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0WikiHow webpage titled “How to Change Your Whole Personality”
doing some research for my new year’s resolution!
04.12.2025 13:56 — 👍 3 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Thanksgiving Conversation Devolves Into Just Stating Things Dog Is Currently Doing
Thanksgiving Conversation Devolves Into Just Stating Things Dog Is Currently Doing https://theonion.com/thanksgiving-conversation-devolves-into-just-stating-th-1840069525/
27.11.2025 19:30 — 👍 3361 🔁 416 💬 38 📌 49Okay but is he just wearing a nipple cover under a thin shirt
21.11.2025 01:44 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0this just in: I’m dumber than I realized
20.11.2025 02:27 — 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0titty/titty vision
19.11.2025 02:01 — 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0can’t believe the title wasn’t “now you 3 me”
17.11.2025 03:00 — 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0my ass? fatter. my enemies? sadder.
14.11.2025 21:43 — 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0insane that I know so much about the us constitution now that shit’s for nerds
03.11.2025 23:40 — 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0getting high and missing the charm of the Southwest
01.11.2025 19:45 — 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0I may look like a girl who poops but I’m most definitely a bitch who shits
30.10.2025 17:25 — 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0spugedi
28.10.2025 09:01 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0as per my last email, you worthless piece of shit
28.10.2025 01:15 — 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0unsure whether to leave (the country or this lifetime)
24.10.2025 23:49 — 👍 3 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0