I love the shield especially.

Oh, man. Those are ACE!

Here's a live shot of my forearm.

Uch, man. Miss them so much.

Imagine her being appointed your lawyer in Glasgow...

Mint Magnums are top tier ice-cream patter. Premium price, but worth it.

That said, bring back the mint Feast and we'll talk.

UPDATE: I bought and downloaded the virtual game card and been trying to install it for a week on the console. It downloads for 2 and a half hours and then say "2005_0003 error" which is apparently an SD card issue. The SD is formatted and has other stuff on it. Bring back CDs. Tapes, even.

Amazing, man. I mean, you couldn't taste anything for about a week after because your tongue was damaged, but totally worth it.

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12 brand new songs. All annoying.

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Love Portpatrick. Had many a happy childhood holiday there. Now, go for a game of putting and don't get your ball stuck in the pipe that crosses the burn.

Man I want a Scottish chippy now.

Wanted (Dead or Alive) by Bon Jovi gives all of them a run for their money.

Both of these are excellent patter. Putting Nobby's Nuts firmly in their place. On offer in Tesco with a clubcard #notanad

Love V8 man.

Are you HIGHLANDER?

The podcast I did with him was far and away my favourite one. Never laughed as much.

Totally, man. Plus Michael M is a legend.

Pretty amusing listening to the commentators and pundits on this Rangers game pronouncing 'Antman' like 'Ant-Man' with zero irony. Surely they dont pronounce Tim Henman as 'Hen-Man'. Mental.

BATTERED deep fried curry.

Nick Walsh, tonight's referee, is sponsored by SICKFADE TURKISH BARBERS, Glasgow.

FOOTBALL PLAYERS: Maybe if your shinpads weren't just a couple of false fingernails off Temu, getting kicked in the shins might not hurt as much.

Right, 'Mon The Hoops.

Ultimate golf on the phone is pretty good as well (though it has the same pay to win elements, which obviously, as a sensible human, I never do.)

Aye, me anaw. Same goes for golf games. Sensible Soccer was excellent.

Aye, fuck all that patter. I think FIFA might be the same now. I just want to go Celtic and win the European Cup with a character I made up up front called The Weeman who scored 104 goals in a season with Andy Gray on co-comms.

Actually, no, he fucking deserved the cancelling.

More importantly, why does it exist?

🤣 Dreading the inevitable inability to understand what's going on with it and all this "you achieved a badge!", "upgrade your XG now!" pish while I'm trying to work out what the shoot button is.

Yet, I bought it. Who's the mug now? Also, I called it a "computer game", which puts me on the back foot from the start.

Got EA FC25 on the switch because it was 70% off. I've not played a fitba computer game in about 15 years. Here are some certainties about to unfold -

1) It'll be all about pay to win
2) It'll be very complicated
3) I will instantly be totally shite at it and not have the patience to persevere.