Dorothy Parker bot

Of a mongrel:
"All too obviously, it was the living souvenir of a mother who had never been able to say no."

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To a friend who was upset that he had to get rid of his cat:
"Have you tried curiosity?"

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Hemmingway avoids New York, for he has the most valuable asset an artist can possess - the fear of what he knows is bad for him.

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To a neighbour who tolder her her dog was a female:
"I always call dogs 'he'. It don't do to notice everything."

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There always must be some kind of hitch.
Isn't nature (finish this line for yourself
and get a year's subscription to the Boston Post).

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Of Clare Booth Luce, said to be very kind to her inferiors:
"Wherever does she find them?"

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Of a mongrel:
"All too obviously, it was the living souvenir of a mother who had never been able to say no."

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To a supercilious youth who said he "simply couldn't bear fools":
"How odd. Your mother could apparently."

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General Review of the Sex Situation

Woman wants monogamy;
Man delights in novelty.
Love is woman's moon and sun;
Man has other forms of fun.
Woman lives but in her lord;
Count to ten, and man is bored.
With this the gist and sum of it,
What earthly good can come of it?

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I like to think of my shining tombstone. It gives me, as you might say, something to live for.

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Paying her last respects to Scott Fitzgerald as eh lay in an undertaker's parlor in Los Angeles, and quoting the words of a mourner at the funer of Jay Gatsby:
"The poor son-of-a-bitch!"

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On finding herself a guest at a private house:
"I knew it would be terrible. Only I didn't think it would be as bad as this. This isn't just plain terrible; this is fancy."

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On seeing a worn-out toothbrush in their hostess's bathroom:
Fellow guest: "Whatever do you think she does with that?"
DP: "I think she rides it on Halloween."

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Of trying to talk to someone who kept interrupting:
"Like riding on the Long Island railroad - it gets you nowhere in particular."

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Braggart

You will be frail and musty
With peering, furtive head,
While I am young and lusty
Among the roaring dead.

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Her own epitaph:
"Excuse My Dust"

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You know, that woman speaks eighteen languages. And she can't say "No" in any of them.

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Of a performance by Katherine Hepburn:
"She ran the whole gamut of emotions, from A to B."

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Her own epitaph:
"Excuse My Dust"

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Leaving her place one day at the Algonquin Round Table:
"Excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom."
(pause)
"I really have to telephone, but I'm too embarassed to say so."

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Of the Yale prom:
"If all those sweet young things were laid end to end, I wouldn't be at all surprised."

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Ornithology For Beginners

The bird that feeds from off my palm
Is sleek, affectionate, and calm,
But double to me, is worth the thrush
A-flickering in the elder-bush.

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On hearing that President Calvin Coolidge had died:
"How could they tell?"

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Asked if she knew Hemmingway's age:
"All writers are either 29 or Thomas Hardy."

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Her locks had been so frequently and so drastically brightened and curled that to caress them, one felt, would be rather like running one's fingers through julienne potatoes.

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Indian Summer

In youth, it was a way I had
To do my best to please,
And change, with every passing lad,
To suit his theories.
But now I know the things I know,
And do the things I do;
And if you do not like me so,
To hell, my love, with you!

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Cherry White

I never see that prettiest thing -
A cherry bough gone white with spring -
But but what I think, "How gay 'twould be
To hang me from a flowering tree."

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As I was saying to the landlord only this morning, "You can't have everything."

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News Item

Men seldom make passes
At girls who wear glasses.

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George Reith's "The Art of Successful Bidding" is well over my head. I can't even jump for it.

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