E. Jane Aran

Two search-engine parts are shown, along with time-stamps. At 8:43, a user types into Google search the following question: "How to beat girlfriend in an argument". At 8:48, the user asks, "How to apologize to girlfriend".

Don't ask questions that you don't want the answers to.

#winning #argument #searchengine #funny

Maybe candy corn hates you, too.

Maybe candy corn hates you, too.

#Halloween #candycorn #funny

Subject line: I trained an AI on three months of continuous fart sounds. Here's what happened. Text: So I collected 2.5 million feet samples (approximately three months of non-stop farting) and trained a neural network on them. The results: * It can identify your diet with 87% accuracy from a single fart. * It learned that there are only 7 basic fart types (all others are combinations) * It started generating "fart symphonies" that actually slap. * It predicted the stock market with 52% accuracy (barely better than random, but still). Most disturbing discovery: When I asked it to generate "the perfect fart", it created a 3.7-second sound that made my dog cry and my roommate move out.

Ew.

#fart #AI #neuralnetworks #funny

A text chain. 1st poster: If you wouldn't go to someone for advice, don't take their criticism either. 2nd poster: Wait-- whoa 3rd poster: [Original poster] woke up and chose logic today and [I don't know] how I feel about that

A text chain.

1st poster: If you wouldn't go to someone for advice, don't take their criticism either.

2nd poster: Wait-- whoa

3rd poster: [Original poster] woke up and chose logic today and [I don't know] how I feel about that

A computer screen displays a question, followed by three radio-button answer options (so only one option can be chosen at a time), and a "Submit" button at the bottom. The question is, "Are you a sentient human being?" The first answer option is "Yes"; the second answer option is "No". The third option, which has been selected, is "Unfortunately".

Yeah, that tracks.

#funny #sentience #sentientbeings

@allday says, "Thank god attorneys let us know they're attorneys 'at law' so we don't assume they're attorneys at garlic bread or something."

Ikr?

#funny #attorneys #attorneyatlaw

Once you're able to find humor in any situation, you've either reached enlightenment, or you're just a little unhinged.

Imma be the second one.

#funny #humor #enlightenment #findthehumor #unhinged

Jonathan Edward Durham says, "Happy as a clam? A clam? You mean those tiny things with no brain that just chill on the bottom of the ocean all day in their own little private shells and have absolutely no concept of what's going on in the-- never mind, I get it now."

Yeah, I kinda get it, too.

#funny #happyasaclam #clams #ignoranceisbliss

"Henpecked Hal" recounts a conversation with his kids. Son: it's MY toy! Daughter: no, it's MINE! Me: you both lay claim to this toy? I shall chop it in two and give each of you half. Son: AWESOME! Daughter: YES! Me: no, that's not... Kids: CHOP IT! CHOP IT! CHOP IT!

This reminds me of Louise on "Bob's Burgers".

#kids #toys #splitting #Solomon #funny

Julius Roberts posts: "My sister was very excited to take this picture in traffic today." Shown is the back of the dark-colored Chevy ahead of the sister's car. A small white dog is sticking its head up through the car's roof, "smiling" back at the sister. The license plate reads "SUNWOOF".

#puns #Sunroof #sunroofcar #dog #doglife #funny

My cat says, "Same."

Oops.

I've upended a mesh wastebasket and filled it with milkweed. So why, pray tell, are they all huddled in one spot?!?

Are they... are they maybe plotting something? Should I be worried?

#monarchbutterflies #caterpillars #milkweed #growing #rearing

Khalil Sehnaoui says: Coffee shop. People next to me are loud and rude. They just found the perfect name for a new business. I just bought the domain name.

Instant karma!

#instantkarma #rude #obnoxious #domainname #funny

White text on a red background: "Trying to understand some people is like trying to pick up a turd by the clean end."

White text on a black background: When I finally snap, it will be after I tried to type my email address on the TV with the remote. Again.

#EmailAddress #typing #tvremote #tvremotecontrol #losingit #funny

A four-panel comic. Panel 1: A blue circle is shown, labeled as "My interests". Panel 2: A yellow circle is added to the picture, to the right of the blue circle. The yellow circle is labeled "My friend's interests". Panel 3: Zooming in, we can see that there is a tiny green region where the two circles overlap slightly. Panel 4: Zooming in further, we can see that the overlap is labeled "Person we don't like".

Jonathan Edward Durham asks, "Happy as a clam? A clam? You mean those tiny things with no brain that just chill on the bottom of the ocean all day in their own private shells and have absolutely no concept of what's going on in the-- Nevermind; I get it now."

#happyasaclam #funny

#Monarchs #caterpillars #milkweed

At the bottom of the graphic is a stack of French toast on a white plate. The text above the stack says: Nobody: My 6yr old talking to himself on the toilet: Every day I gotta get up for school, and then every day I'm gonna have to get up for work. When does it end? Did I ask for this? No. I don't remember that I asked for this. I asked for rest and Legos and French toast.

I feel ya, little dude.

#frenchtoast #legos #working #schoollife

Filled my neighbor's leaf blower with glitter. Now his yard looks like Tinker Bell hit a landmine.

So tempting....

#leafblower #glitter #tinkerbell #funny

I feel like a lot of my problems would be solved if I had a dragon.

Same.

#dragons #problemsolved #funny

Cleaning your house with everyone home is like brushing your teeth while eating oreos.

And I'm *always* eating oreos. 💩

#cleaningtips #cleaning #resistanceisfutile #oreos #funny

A four-panel comic, showing a conversation between a couple inside their house. Panel 1: The man is peering through the window blinds. She asks him, "What are you scowling at?" Panel 2: He is shown, from the outside of the house, still peering through the blinds that he is holding apart with his extended fingers. "There are *teenagers* walking on our *lawn*!" Panel 3: She is shown, rolling her eyes. She says, "Pfft! You sound so *old* right now!" Panel 4: Looking downward with annoyance and/or distress, she says, "Aw, I spilled prune juice on my heating pad!"

😄

#GettingOld #oldpeopleproblems #stayoffmylawn #prunejuice #heatingpad #funny

The title above the picture says, "This is how I managed to change the bedsheets in under 15 minutes." The picture shows a gray and white cat, with a red nametag visible below its chin. The cat is glaring daggers directly at the viewer. This is likely because the cat has been trapped under an inverted wire-mesh waste basket, preventing it from "helping" with the bed linens.

Follow me for more household hints!

#cats #changingthesheets #bedding #BeddingGoals #trapped #Wastebasket #funny

#codependent #codependency #CODA #healingispossible #progressnotperfection

They will try to tell you, “Resistance is futile.” It is never so.

Thank you, @georgetakei.bsky.social, for continuing to stand up, speak the truth, and demonstrate uncommon decency and honor. The world, and especially the US, needs more people like you.✊️