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Matty

@bestestname.bsky.social

Bluesky is easy. You just have to be funny all the time or no one will love you https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:n3kxj4fonot7lg67tmakj4dn/feed/aaacgs3xfjaw4

9,256 Followers  |  1,429 Following  |  2,134 Posts  |  Joined: 22.06.2023
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Posts by Matty (@bestestname.bsky.social)

I can't wait for the Olympics to start

03.03.2026 17:25 — 👍 5    🔁 1    💬 0    📌 0
Blurry photo of the full moon behind clouds

Blurry photo of the full moon behind clouds

The moon looks so beautiful. I want to pluck it out of the night sky and carry it around in my pocket.

This is why dresses with pockets are vital.

03.03.2026 06:21 — 👍 29    🔁 6    💬 1    📌 1

I was into the moon before it was even full

03.03.2026 06:05 — 👍 14    🔁 6    💬 0    📌 0

Boomers give the best career advice for landing a bank teller job in 1982

03.03.2026 06:03 — 👍 8    🔁 2    💬 0    📌 0

It's probably a bad sign if I wish someone dead and everyone knows exactly who I'm talking about

03.03.2026 06:01 — 👍 6    🔁 0    💬 0    📌 0

WHAT. THE. FUCK.

03.03.2026 03:56 — 👍 5    🔁 0    💬 0    📌 0

He better hope The Hague has a McDonald's

03.03.2026 03:56 — 👍 10    🔁 1    💬 2    📌 0

We should never let anyone with stupid hair run a country. It never ends well.

03.03.2026 00:42 — 👍 35    🔁 5    💬 0    📌 3

Happy National Procrastination Week to all those who might get around to celebrating it later.

02.03.2025 13:18 — 👍 211    🔁 42    💬 5    📌 0

We should actually light liars' pants on fire

02.03.2026 15:24 — 👍 54    🔁 19    💬 1    📌 0

Sure, if a dog pees on the curb, it's fine, but if I do it, I'm "arrested"

02.03.2026 04:31 — 👍 25    🔁 9    💬 2    📌 0

Operation Epstein Fury

28.02.2026 09:00 — 👍 36    🔁 9    💬 2    📌 0

This just in: the lying liar lied again

01.03.2026 16:30 — 👍 37    🔁 4    💬 0    📌 0

one mood away from getting a tattoo that says eyebrows on my forehead

30.12.2025 22:31 — 👍 342    🔁 113    💬 16    📌 1

Why "Baker" when "Caker" is right there?

28.02.2026 21:45 — 👍 13    🔁 2    💬 1    📌 0

People who voted for this shit: is this the shit you voted for?

28.02.2026 21:08 — 👍 11    🔁 1    💬 0    📌 0

Will I understand World War III if I didn't understand the first two wars?

28.02.2026 16:47 — 👍 11    🔁 2    💬 2    📌 0

I just got a new phone. Please respect my privacy during this difficult time.

27.02.2026 19:15 — 👍 39    🔁 9    💬 1    📌 0

Yes

26.02.2026 23:52 — 👍 1    🔁 0    💬 0    📌 0

Those people from the place you aren't from are shitty drivers

26.02.2026 17:34 — 👍 9    🔁 2    💬 1    📌 0

I'd probably be a lot funnier if my cat didn't keep headbutting my phone

13.02.2026 03:28 — 👍 70    🔁 19    💬 3    📌 0

Honey bottles are shaped like bears because bears love honey. Now you know why gin bottles are shaped like Ernest Hemingway.

24.08.2023 23:58 — 👍 235    🔁 64    💬 5    📌 1
Post image

This is Instagram now, yeah?

25.02.2026 00:03 — 👍 8    🔁 0    💬 1    📌 0

They've started issuing kids their own podcast when they get a social security number, for efficiency.

24.02.2026 17:14 — 👍 16    🔁 2    💬 1    📌 0

If you want to properly baby proof your home, always be sure to use condoms

24.02.2026 14:49 — 👍 28    🔁 9    💬 1    📌 1

“i’m still punk” i whisper to myself as i turn down the music in my car so i can see better

24.02.2026 02:21 — 👍 3486    🔁 714    💬 8    📌 0

I'm the only adult I know who likes frosting

24.02.2026 04:12 — 👍 10    🔁 0    💬 2    📌 0

Wait Zootopia is called Zootropolis in Europe? This world is so divided these days. We can't even agree on the bunny movie.

23.02.2026 06:26 — 👍 28    🔁 1    💬 6    📌 0

A sandwich so good you wonder if it ever thinks about you too

23.02.2026 06:00 — 👍 12    🔁 2    💬 0    📌 0

😂

23.02.2026 05:49 — 👍 1    🔁 0    💬 0    📌 0