Luthor

AAAA Same! Looking forward to the next week!! <3

My ass when fawning over characters in anime...

Gaah, that was horribly unpleasant. Went to take out some trash and check something on my truck and when I went to close the front door, felt something rubbery.

Tiny tree frog, why did you chose to rest on our doorknob? XD

I like making art, stories, photography, music. I like getting lost in fantasy. I like spending time with others, playing games, gushing about things we're passionate about. I like cleaning, helping others, dressing up...

I'm tired of everything seeming to want to take these things from me.

I'm tired of all the noise. I'm tired of the mess. I'm tired of the silence. I'm tired of the theatrics. I'm tired of arguing. I'm tired of holding back. I'm tired of being told I'm doing ok when I don't feel ok. I'm tired of my shortcomings... but most of all, I'm tired of not feeling like myself.

I struggle with having a personal social media account because if I'm honest, there's a lot of things I want to complain/rant about. No one really wants that, I don't either... but it's been a struggle to muster up the energy to wear a happy mask right now. I'm just tired and fed up with a lot.

I can't help but question if what I'm doing is worthwhile or if I should be focusing on something else.

Admittedly I think of the lyrics from Schism. 'I know the pieces fit cause I watched them fall away'... but I don't know how to put them back together. I feel pretty scattered.

It's hard to explain but I feel both directionless and pulled in too many directions at the same time; overwhelmed by everything yet achieving nothing.

There's so much I want to do, but I can't keep up with the things I need to do. It feels so exhausting just to maintain everything.

Need to sleep but I had to finish up the last edits on this article explaining what the Furry Fandom is. Haven't gotten to the other two topics yet but I've been putting a lot of work into this. Hard to explain but it just feels important to do, now more than ever.

www.zenfetcher.com/furry

One of my favorite ferret photos... <3

I will always be envious of how good ferrets are at sleeping and resting.

Oh no! I'm sorry to hear, what happened? D:

It's been about 8 weeks since I've started exercising and after ordering a yoga mat, I'm now getting targeted ads for body weights for women.

The algorithm proves once again that it does not know what products to advertise me. I do not wish to be a yoga lady... I wish to be a yoga ferret.

Why does the world feel the need to be so LOUD? I've been staying up late nights again and I just feel so much more productive with less distractions...

No barking dogs, loud vehicles, noisy neighbors... just whatever music I have playing my headset to drown out my thoughts.

After way too much time, (roughly 5 days) I have finally finished the images for the updated information section on my website!

Oh, right...

....I need to actually fill in all the information.

This makes accepting help and gifts difficult, as I don't really feel that I've earned it despite not needing a reason to. On the other hand, giving to others creates a condition to justify receiving these things and rewards the part of me that seeks gratitude and appreciation from others.

I tend to place a lot of restraints on myself. I'll deny myself certain pleasures with some form of self-imposed condition that must be met to justify earning it. It can even be as simple as not wanting it enough, so regardless of being able to acquire it, I'll deny myself until I REALLY want it.

Been letting my mind wander more lately and one of the topics that popped into my head was masochism... More specifically, am I a masochist?

It's weird to figure this sorta thing out this late into the game but I'm starting to realize the answer is yes... not just in regards to sexuality.

Shouldn't be awake but actually spent time (too much of it) working on drawing for once. Happy with how this lil' fursuit head came out.

It's hard to explain how I feel these days. It's like things are wired in my head differently, yet I'm still trying to run the same 'me' program but on a different OS. I'm caught in this weird liminal space of wanting to hold on to how I was but having to confront no longer being that.

I wanted to create an honest, straight-forward depiction of the differences between Adult Babies and Diaper Lovers but being so bold comes at a risk of deterring people away... which is counter productive to my goal.

It also looked like an ad from a BDSM shop.... so back to the drawing board! :P

So about two hours later, I had an AB/DL themed banner! It had nice symbolism between the two aspects and looked great! A little too great perhaps...

I was curious if it was too provocative and judging by the fact it was already getting reposted here, I think it may have been. :P

I'm currently working on updating my 'Fluff and Padding' page to expand it and go into further depth on the topics there... but now I'm hung up on the fact I need to to come up with photo ideas for both a LGBT+ and AB/DL banner...

'It'll just take 30 minutes!' A foolish ferret said to himself...

Been spending a lot of time working on my website and one of the things that takes a lot of time is making all the graphics. I do take a lot of pride in the fact most everything on my site I made. Even if it's a photo, I like being able to say that I was the one to have taken that photo.

Currently working on creating my artist statement and it's been therapeutic to reminisce about things that inspire me to create and appreciate the process of my art.

It's such a different way of thinking from 'I must draw to earn money' or ' I must draw because I haven't in x amount of time'.

Sometimes you have to fall apart to build yourself back up! I've been spending a lot of time reorganizing and restructuring my life but I'm starting to feel like myself again. Not in the sense of being the way I was before but in the sense of being more my honest self.