Kim Rhodes

Do I have any Holiday Traditions? I sure as fuck do!

For more than twenty years, every time I hear, “Chestnuts roasting on an open fire…” I audibly intone, “Poor Chet.”

I love you. So much.

I downloaded an app to learn ASL and it was helping me redirect a lot. I mean… until it reminded me how much it cost. BUT STILL!

Take care of you. 💕

OBVIOUSLY! Thank you.

After nearly an hour of looking, we found the sump pump exactly where I thought it would be: with the deflated balls, air mattress, and the things to reinflate them.

My husband is confused by this. I am not.

Operation Heavy Press and Coming Fourth (I misspelled intentionally, they wouldn’t)

Those spending valuable brain cells trying to work out the similarities between autistic characteristics and midwesterners - you are my people.

Yeah. Sorry if my disdain for her didn’t translate.

Oh dear.

She is consistent. The message seems to be teenagers don’t deserve to control their own bodies in either case.

FFS

MY LOVE! Oh im so sad. But sending you hugs from my heart, you brilliantly talented human!

Yayyyyyy! Thank you!💕

Sorry. This was a vague reference to specific political “revelations”. However…

I am very sad about the cancelled convention. I hope they manage to make things right.

I’m not disappointed. I’m just angry.

- Mom

Somehow this is merely a confirmation of what I’ve always suspected.

Oh no! I mean, I don’t understand, I clearly made a reference to something I didn’t get, and yet… I will play with you! Nobody should ever have nobody to play with.

First, if I remember correctly, I must find a clock.

That’s just directly. How many more have been affected because some rando cis middle aged mom learned to do better? There’s a lot. A lotta lot.

Describe your cat’s personality with one photo.

Was it the thing telling pilots to trust their guts? Cuz you KNOW that’s been said at some point. “Can’t they just TELL? I can tell if a car is where I want to drive! Even at night!!! What are we paying them for?!!!”

She’s also shaking her head which is an indication of disagreeing with the statement being made. Oof.

RIGHT?!!

He had a Luigi gaze, too.

I may have misheard but I hope I didn’t:

There is a horse working at Disneyland whose name is Perp.

I am a middle-aged, outer suburb-living, wanna be leftist but probably just feisty liberal cis white lady and they lost me. I am their fucking demographic.

*and that was the year they sold nary a one pumpkin spice anything.

I mean… do shareholders “work”? They get paid.

I remember going full Mom Mode at a couple of girls taking selfies. They apologized for being stupid and, with the fire of a thousand suns I said, “Celebrate yourselves! You are stunning! The world needs you to own it!”

Then I ran away before they could call the cops.

Sometimes it needs saying.

I thought the word “prick” had lost its teeth, but that man made it so poetic I’ve reinserted it into the lexicon. So to speak.

Whenever people complain about the number of folks relying on food stamps, it is worth reminding them that SNAP is, by too large of a degree, a subsidy for corporations that refuse to pay a living wage and their political allies who reject public policy prescriptions to reduce income inequality.

Left his overalls in the mud room smelling of fertilizer and sweat. Bless his heart.

CHILD: Are you Zack and Cody’s Mom?

ME (conspiratorially): It’s my Halloween costume. Good, right?