If I Were Trump...

Trump Fragrances Trump Fragrances

Want to smell like me? For just $298, you can. Forget overpriced designer scents—this is pure American traitor in a bottle. Wear it, and people will know you’re a winner like me. #AssInABottle #SmellLikeANarcissist #EgoInABottle #TheScentOfADictator #ElonsDaddyStank #HellNo

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Trump Watches Join President Trump’s Watch Community.

Why waste money on a Rolex when you can have MY 18k rose gold-plated watch for just $699? Luxury without the crazy price. Look like a winner without being one for a cup of overpriced coffee. Smart, classy, and a total steal. #BestDealEver #LuxuryForLess #TimeToShine

gettrumpwatches.com

Taylor Swift will be getting married over Christmas- mark my words! ❤️

I would have done the same. Any parent would have for Gods sake.

If they found thousands of bottles of baby oil at P. Diddy’s, imagine the haul at Mar-a-Lago—Ombre Orange self-tanning lotion galore. Enough to bronze the entire GOP. #SprayTanSecrets #MarALotion #OompaLoompaPresident

90degreebrain.com

90degreebrain.com

If they found thousands of bottles of baby oil at P. Diddy’s, imagine the haul at Mar-a-Lago—Ombre Orange self-tanning lotion galore. Enough to bronze the entire GOP. #SprayTanSecrets #MarALotion #OompaLoompaPresident

If I didn’t care about lives lost before, why start now? Power, position, and wealth were always the game. RFK Jr.’s vaccine nonsense? Just another tool to rile the base. Empathy? Please, that’s not the brand. #IfIWereTrump #UnderTrumpsWatch #WhyStartCaringNow

www.msn.com/en-us/news/p...

Police report reveals new details from sexual assault allegation against Trump’s defense secretary nominee | CNN Politics A California woman told police that Trump Cabinet pick Pete Hegseth physically blocked her from leaving a hotel room, took her phone, and then sexually assaulted her even though she “remembered saying...

Pete? He says it was 'two adults flirting.' She says it was rape. But Pete's always been great at rebranding disaster - just look at his career. I only hire the best, folks. Clearly, the very best. Fake news? Sounds more like fake morals. Terrible! #RapeIsRape #NoIsNo

www.cnn.com/2024/11/21/p...

EXCLUSIVE: Ethics committee told of second sexual encounter between Matt Gaetz and 17-year-old, sources say | CNN Politics After being asked for comment for this story, Matt Gaetz announced he was backing out as President-elect Donald Trump’s attorney general nominee.

Matt Gaetz? Never heard of the guy, but I hear he's great at making headlines - just not the good kind. And back out of being my attorney general nominee? Please, he was never in! I only pick the best people, not the ones who allegedly bring the party favors. Sad!🎉

www.cnn.com/2024/11/21/p...

@Elysianholos.bsky.social is cute, trying to beat me on followers it seems. She's trying hard. She's doing fine for someone who doesn't understand how winning works. But let's be real - nobody remembers second place. The only reason she's even close is because the system is clearly against me. Sad!

Listen, folks, I’m here on this account, taking a break from the presidency, doing tremendous things—nobody does it better. If you want more greatness, follow my Little Buddy Elon—big tech, big brains, big rockets. Incredible content. You’ll love it, believe me.

@ifiwereelon.bsky.social

Barron? Great kid, very tall, tremendous height - like a skyscraper, honestly. But look, this is about me and Elon, two of the greatest minds, dancing to the greatest song. YMCA! Barron will get over it. Barron's fine. He's always fine. Trust me, he's fine. Fine.

www.msn.com/en-us/news/o...

If I go—God forbid, many people say I’ll live forever, but IF—I want to leave the presidency to Elon. Great guy, tremendous guy. And my hair. I want my Little Buddy to have my hair. He deserves it. No one else can handle it. Believe me.

The Mental and Emotional Health Benefits of Orgasms: A Pleasure Worth Pursuing Orgasms are often celebrated for their physical satisfaction, but did you know they also offer a range of emotional and mental health benefits? Beyond the momentary bliss, orgasms have profound effect...

The Mental and Emotional Health Benefits of Orgasms: A Pleasure Worth Pursuing

Looking for a natural way to boost your mood, relieve stress, and improve sleep? Let's talk about the benefits of orgasms - because self-care is more than bubble baths and yoga.

www.elysianholos.net/post/the-men...

Vivek Ramaswamy questioned my moral character, called my leadership a failure, said my 'time has passed,' accused me of escalating tensions, and criticized my foreign policy and the establishment tied to my administration. Quite the résumé for someone now claiming admiration.
#PickASide #VivekFlip

Ken Paxton, the 'Christian,' wants to shut down a church feeding the homeless on Thanksgiving. Very Pharisee of him—big on rules, short on mercy. Next, he'll ban kindness altogether. Honestly, ruthless! My kind of guy. I really outdid myself picking him!

www.msn.com/en-us/news/u...

Matt, I truly appreciate the sentiment, really. But let’s be honest—there’s only one person I’ve ever truly loved, and, spoiler alert—it’s not you, it’s not Melania... it’s me. #TrumpSelfLove #MattGaetzLovesTrump #SorryNotSorry #TrumpTruths #ItsAllAboutMe #NoLoveLost

www.msn.com/en-us/news/p...

I don’t count Eric…he’s my least favorite.

Conflict of interest? Please. Who better to oversee the Justice Department than someone who already knows how to manipulate the system and keep me out of trouble? It's called efficiency, folks. Law professors don't like it? Fake academics, total nobodies. Sad!

www.msn.com/en-us/news/p...

Don't worry Little Buddy, my fifth child, Elon, I'll keep you in my orbit as long as you're useful. Then I'll toss you aside and badmouth you - STOP - standard Trump operating procedure. Just ask Rudy, Michael, or any of the others who thought they were irreplaceable.

www.msn.com/en-us/news/p...

Sorry, Rudy—oh wait, Ruddy—no pardon for you! I’ve already squeezed all the juice out of that lemon, so now it’s straight to the trash like everyone else I’m done with. Don’t worry, the slander will come later. Thanks for your service... to me, of course!

www.msn.com/en-us/news/p...

@BenStiller, we can’t win or lose without taking shots—it’s what we do! My administration? A top-tier cast of immature, thin-skinned, unstable bullies. Absolutely the best bullies. Tremendous. Winning, immature bullies without impulse control - just like me! I Love it!

www.msn.com/en-us/entert...

Little Marco called me a 'con man,' 'con artist,' and a 'billionaire with no moral compass.' He said I was 'erratic' and 'unpredictable,' and that my comments were damaging to the country, even calling my friendship with Putin 'dangerous.' So glad I chose him as Secretary of State!

Vance called me 'a fake populist' and said my 'brash' nature and lack of policy focus could harm the country. He criticized my personal attacks and rhetoric, but after distancing himself, he came running when he saw money, power, and control. I guess we have a lot in common after all.

My First Buddy Elon distanced himself from me in 2016, calling my leadership 'alienating'—not the best compliment from a guy who talks to aliens! He said I was 'impulsive' and 'difficult'—but hey, at least I'm never boring. He didn’t love my policy moves, but who can blame him?

RFK Jr. called my leadership 'chaotic,' my pandemic response 'reckless,' and said I ignored advice. He criticized my policies, claimed I undermined environmental protections, called me a 'con man,' and accused me of divisive rhetoric. Oh, and he thinks I’m a psychopath. Great choice, huh?

Listen, @Elysianholos.bsky.social, Melania’s heading to Slovenia for two weeks to handle a fantastic interior design project—she’s got amazing taste, believe me. So, with her gone, maybe we could spend some time together? It’s going to be great, trust me, you won’t regret it. I’m the best. Ask me.