but i just gotta keep trying man.

and today i realized that it’s because at my core, i do not trust men because the one man i was supposed to be able to trust showed me at an early age i can’t trust him or count on him or expect him to make space for my emotions. so if my own father can’t why would i expect another man to?

like i just wanna be able to express my emotions freely without being concerned about how that’s gonna be perceived by a potential partner. because that fear of perception causes me to just shut myself off.

and i know it’s on me to do the work but it’s so fucking disheartening to continue to have these realizations

today was a really fucking hard day in therapy because i continue to unpack shit that my father is essentially the root of and it’s like…bruh i barely talk to this man. i haven’t seen him in almost 6 years. how are you still ruining my life??

i can kinda use this as a burner for the time being since ion follow anybody here