tim kardashian

me: I can't tell you how long I've been waiting

clock repairman: please stop saying that, I'm doing my best

the oceangate expedition had to have been to fake their own deaths

Good morning bluesky!

[first day as a doorman]

me: bye, thanks for coming

sperm bank manager: *pulling me aside* this was literally the first thing we talked about

So far on this roadtrip i have learned that colorado has no good food and that wyoming is actually p cool

Showering at Tetons NP like a true dirtbag

Hitting Denver / Boulder this weekend, anyone got food recs?

My friends flew to 9/11 and all they got me was this lousy shirt

Rufus the pig eating a watermelon

sometimes I get followed on social media by serious people with jobs that matter and I'm like... sorry, I can't engage with you on that level. do you wanna see a pig eat a watermelon

If 25 people like your skeet they add you to Mount Rushmore and display your preserved body like Lenin’s.

PNW welcomes NE residents to the 5th season, smoke season!

Mad God is the mvp on shudder

The toilets have eyes

Everyone has a plan until they get gently kissed on the forehead

Well hung rainier cherry 🥲

Hello world.