Cru

clean them by

Sorry if you have a heart attack near me because I only know PBR; last thing you see will be a bunch of smug hipsters with ironic mustaches.

got my last podcast JK ULTRA tickets lfgggggggg

i'm getting the vibe that people are afraid of giving it to me

how come the cartoons made sticks of dynamite out to be like greased hot dogs? are they really that slippery? seems like a design flaw.

I AM CRY

MY MIL PRONOUNCES HER NAME
LADY GUGGA

auger? i barely know ‘er

😭😭😭

Scene from the Breakfast Club where Andrew and Brian are commenting on all the "shit" in Allison's purse and she replies that "you never know when you may have to jam" but a B is added to make it "jamb"

and i am twelve

orange caulk gun & white gorilla brand caulk with my very intrusive thumbs up

picked up what i thought was an empty purse but no

it had ten inch white gorilla caulk in it
and a gun

i'm selling you guys out to the aliens HARD

wrong! this guy is using a steam powered jerkoff machine

. @johnfetterman.com can you stroke out for good this time?

Yeah, sorry i'm late - been trying to explain the concept of time to my cat

challenge

[retching] ZZ Top implies [dry heaving] zz bottom

a urinal in a residential bathroom with a red line feeding into it that would normally be used to indicate hot water 😭😂🤝

hot water urinal new band name i call it

okay okay okay i figured it out, we’re not having another election , gonna hunt each other with real guns to determine your position in office. no sign up. just bring your guns to the gold-plated ballroom and we’ll go from there

Life Hack: Pour milk into your humidifier for a milkier room atmosphere

I feel like we are supposed to know each other haha

Cru on Andy’s shoulders

he was my little pony

bitch

VERY OLD iPhone messages from Andy Williams of every time I die (dated December 12 2011) Andy: Did you hear about my dj set the other day? Me: No?! Andy: Haha I got asked to dj a club in Sheffield, England and I used the name "dj first 4 records" I put on all the rippers from the first 4 metallica records, took my shirt off and headbanged and played air guitar for 2 hours. Nothing else. Me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

some people in the industry would say it’s poor form to share private messages. that rule, like most, does not apply to me, a bitch with fucking decorum

you only get this kinda whimsy from trauma baby, we’re already married, you don’t need to flatter me (thank you I love and appreciate you)

for sure! after looking back at the life I’ve lived and having toddlers now, and the projects I’m working on, i feel like it’s my time to do good and give back, and it’s working. sorry haha proud of myself

this means so much, thank you 🫶🫶🫶💪❤️

used to copy my show fliers (1/4 page) ar the local library and cut them up there and then go distribute. nobody ever taught me how to do anything. forever grateful i learned the hard way, bc that’s the only way i know how to learn apparently