Helen Jeffries @helenjeffries

Language about autism For me, like many autistic people, precise language is important. But unfortunately not all autistic people agree on the language that’s best to use about autism. This is an attempt to summar…

Is it "autistic person" or "person with autism"? Quick clue - most autistics prefer to former. But here's a bit more info. #Autism helenjeffries.wordpress.com/2025/10/13/l...

13.10.2025 08:34 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

Different hand for different tasks.

10.10.2025 19:26 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

Fixed desk – hot button One of my most important reasonable adjustments for autism is having a fixed desk. Like most workplaces, mine operates a hot-desking policy and colleagues have to book in advance where they will sit on a given day. I realised several years ago that that system really didn't work for my autistic brain - the sheer level of stress at having to sit in different places every day - or worse still being uncertain about where I could sit - took up all my processing power. My brain is quite capable of spending a whole day going over and over "this is the wrong place, this doesn't feel right, I'm in the wrong place" and failing to get anything useful done at all. So, I know I need a fixed desk, so much is clear. And yet...

Having a fixed desk can't make all that much difference can it? I accidentally did an experiment and it totally can... #Autism

06.10.2025 06:10 — 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

Autism Myths: Autism is a mental illness If we call someone "mad" or "crazy" or any number of other words meaning "mentally ill" then we often mean we can discount what they're saying. That's really bad for people who are mentally ill, and who deserve to be listened to as much as anyone else, but pretending the unfair stigma isn't there in those words won't make it go away. When an autistic person is called "mentally ill" it's a coded way of saying that they're wrong, they don't know what they're talking about, that their differences are unacceptable.

Autism's my brain's operating system - it's not an illness to be cured. And yet the mischaracterisation of autism as an illness persists. #Autism

22.09.2025 06:00 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

Autism Myths: Autism can be “cured” It's asking a lot of parents, but I really think it would be better for an autistic person if they were allowed to be who and what they are, rather than trained to fit in. Or, I should say, it probably helps to be trained to fit in if that's what you want to do - to have that option - but not to pretend that the autism can go away. Accepting that your family member is autistic not neurotypical can mean great sacrifices - giving up the life you thought you'd have, taking on caring responsibilities that you hoped you wouldn't have, dealing with someone you maybe don't understand very well or who hurts and frustrates you. It's asking the family and friends to adapt and change and they may not like that. But hopefully as more do, as autism is better understood, and with more successful autistic people in work and the public eye it will come to seem less imperative to "cure" rather than accept autistics.

If your autistic person seems to be "cured" or "less autistic" then probably they've learned to hide who they truly are because being true to themselves isn't safe. We autistics need choices about how we present ourselves, not to hide out of fear. #Autism

15.09.2025 06:00 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

Autism Myths: it’s a boy thing Most autistics are men or boys, right? It makes sense that women and girls who are more naturally people-focussed and communicative wouldn't be autistic doesn't it? Well no. That's a whacking great stereotype about females but also there is no particular reason to think most autistics are male. What IS the case though is that autism is much more likely to have been diagnosed in boys in the past. As Caroline Criado Perez has pointed out, the world (regarding diagnostic criteria and many other things) has tended to treat males as the "default" or the "norm" and females as the exception. So if the way we think about autism is based on the male experience of autism, what does that mean for people like me?

Even now the stereotype of autism is male - but what does that mean for autistic females? #Autism

08.09.2025 06:07 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

“Back to school” – deep dread If there are any people aged about 4 to about 18 in your family, you might have been confronting "back to school" for a few weeks now. For many children school is something to be looked forward to (I'm told!) but for this autistic it was a total nightmare. And sadly there are still plenty of autistic children having to confront that nightmare every September. Why is it so bad? Well for me at least it wasn't about the teaching and learning so much as the other children.

Even *ahem* years since leaving school I get a deep sense of dread at this time of year. Such is the damage caused by by undiagnosed (so unsupported) autistic in the classroom. #Autism

01.09.2025 06:13 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

Everyone’s “on the spectrum”? Kindly meant but no Everyone's on the spectrum, right? We all have some of the traits of autism ranging from being a little bit quirky occasionally to being non verbal and unable to function? Well no. The "spectrum" doesn't work like that and saying everyone's "on the spectrum" isn't helpful. You don't have to minimise someone's disability for them to be valid as a person. You don't have to tell them they're (nearly) normal for them to be valid as a person. And you definitely shouldn't be dividing autistic people into two categories, one of which should just stop complaining and fake normal like everyone else while the other is consigned to institutional care. We can do better than that.

"Everyone's on the spectrum" sounds like a kind affirmation of autistics but actually it's rather undermining. Here's why. #Autism

25.08.2025 06:00 — 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

Autistic leaders? Yes way! If about 1 in 100 people is autistic, and if the UK civil service reflects the population it serves, then there may be enough autistic civil servants to make up a medium-sized department. But what jobs are they doing? They're probably all doing the filing and/or data entry, right? Well no, some of us are doing leadership roles, but autistic leaders may tend to keep quiet about their autism because of the fear of stigma. Part of the role of a senior civil servant is to be able to advise Ministers and speak authoritatively about government policy with people outside government. To do that we need to be able to have credibility, and many of us fear that if our stakeholders knew about our autism, they might not trust us.

If you think autistic people can't be leaders, maybe you're just buying into the stereotype. Look again? #Autism

18.08.2025 06:19 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

Autistic leaders? No way! I got my autism diagnosis when I was half way to my goal and working as a middle manager, and already things were a struggle. So while the diagnosis was brilliant in explaining a lot of things about me that I'd blamed myself for, it also made me feel that leadership was now out of reach. I still struggle with whether that's the case because of my attacks of self doubt, but I'm hoping that by being open I'll encourage more autistic leaders to come forward and go for the top.

Who wants to hire an autistic leader? We're inflexible, poor with people and unable to communicate, right? Well actually no - we can make great leaders. #Autism

11.08.2025 06:03 — 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

Compulsory neurotypical-ing I've been doing an occasional series of observations about how neurotypical attempts to support autistic people can fail because of lack of understanding about how are brains are different. Here's a few extra pitfalls and aggravations for autistic and neurotypical colleagues. I mentor a lot of autistic civil servants so these reflections are derived from their (and my) experiences but each is composed of multiple people and not supposed to represent anyone in particular.

Neurotypical people just can't get out of their own heads can they? They're sure they know what a particular behaviour "means" so they enforce it on we autistics, not knowing what harm it may do. #Autism

04.08.2025 06:10 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

Is anything changing? I've been writing this blog for a while now and some days it really feels like things are changing for the better. There are more openly autistic people in the public eye, more TV documentaries (such as Chris Packham's and Christine McGuinness's) more fiction about and by autistic people and better understanding in the workplace. On other days it feels like there's no progress at all.

Autism's in the public eye more now than when I first wrote this blog three years ago. But that doesn't mean acceptance has been achieved - it's baby steps towards progress. #Autism

28.07.2025 06:08 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

Lights, cameras, overload! Proms season has just begun so heat, light and cameras are very much in my mind (I sing in the BBC Symphony Chorus). But more generally in our culture light is generally better than dark - dark is something to be feared, but light is safety and positivity. With the spring, the days get longer and everything seems brighter and more cheerful - and that has to be good thing. But as with so many things that are good for neurotypical people, too much light can be an autistic nightmare. Many of us have hypersensitive eyes which means strong sunlight can be actively painful, as can some kinds of artificial light. You may long for those bright summer days, but for some of us it's not always a blessing.

Bright light usually symbolises good, but for autistics it can be an absolute sensory nightmare. #Autism

21.07.2025 06:05 — 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0

First Night of the Proms on telly this evening - if you'd like to spot me I'll be wearing red and sat about six seats in from the organ of the back row of the mids.

18.07.2025 10:27 — 👍 4 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

Anita Lasker-Wallfisch - Wikipedia

A very respectful happy birthday to the incomparable Anita Lasker-Wallfisch - cellist, Holocaust survivor, public speaker, author and matriarch of an amazing family of musicians. She's 100 today and the most amazing person. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anita_L...

17.07.2025 08:18 — 👍 2 🔁 1 💬 1 📌 0

Having to give that emotional response People putting emotional demands on me on purpose is something I struggle with. I think that's why the colleague who sits opposite me and simpers all day in order to make other people respond positively to him/her is so maddening (to me - not to other people!) It's not that I'm not empathic - I certainly am - and if someone just expresses their emotion, I am very likely to respond to it. What makes me autistic skin crawl is when someone demands a particular emotional response from me and won't stop figuratively poking at me until I've provided that response.

Some people just HAVE to get an emotional response. They repeat what they said until you give them the smile/laugh/groan whatever they're looking for. And that drives me nuts. #Autism

14.07.2025 06:07 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

Management language – oh joy I've started collecting an occasional series of observations about how neurotypical people can attempt to support autistic people can fail because of lack of understanding about how are brains are different. Here's a few more pitfalls for autistic and neurotypical colleagues. I mentor a lot of autistic civil servants so these reflections are derived from their (and my) experiences but each is composed of multiple people and not supposed to represent anyone in particular.

"I'm sure s/he didn't mean any harm!" Maybe not - but are you saying so to clarify, or to invalidate my emotions? Management language can be a real struggle for we autistics.

30.06.2025 08:31 — 👍 3 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

Don’t treat me like a child… I've written about how attempts by neurotypical people to support autistic people can fail because of lack of understanding about how are brains are different. There are some specific ways that happens in the work place that I'd like to say a bit more about, in the hope of building better common understanding, and avoiding a great deal of unhappiness and frustration all round.

There's a tendency to infantilise disabled people - to assume we're stupid or can't make our own judgements or choices, or work things out for ourselves. I'm autistic - I'm not a toddler. "Too simple" can be really bad for me. #autism

23.06.2025 06:15 — 👍 5 🔁 3 💬 0 📌 0

Emotional Dysregulation For an autistic person meltdown happens when the sensory overload because too great and we're unable to function. That inability to function might mean withdrawing from all communication, staying still, needing to be silent and as far away as possible from other people. If I begin to feel a meltdown starting at work I lock myself in a loo cubicle to be assured that no-one will approach me and I'll be alone.

Do you fail to notice your emotions until they overwhelm you, or have no idea why you're crying? That happens to me and it's the emotional dysregulation of #autism.

16.06.2025 06:02 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

Autistic meltdown – what’s that? For an autistic person meltdown happens when the sensory overload because too great and we're unable to function. That inability to function might mean withdrawing from all communication, staying still, needing to be silent and as far away as possible from other people. If I begin to feel a meltdown starting at work I lock myself in a loo cubicle to be assured that no-one will approach me and I'll be alone.

Meltdowns are for toddlers, right? (Well, and some public figures as well maybe...) But actually any autistic person can experience that feeling of being overwhelmed and unable to function and unlike the stereotype, a real meltdown is no joke. #Autism

02.06.2025 06:02 — 👍 5 🔁 1 💬 0 📌 0

I think my colleague’s autistic – what should I do? The most popular post I've ever done on this blog is one called I think my member of staff is autistic - what should I do? Autism's common - in fact the estimate has gone up from 1 in 100 to 1 in 50 even since I wrote that post. So most people have an autistic colleague and plenty of the adult autistics are in work and either not diagnosed or not open about their diagnosis.

There's often that one colleague who's different - you find them a bit difficult to deal with. Is it ever a good thing to tell them you think they're autistic? Short answer: no... #Autism

26.05.2025 06:13 — 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

Birthdays while autistic Birthdays can be tricky things for we autistics. In broad brush generalisation terms (every autistic is different!) we like pattern and consistency. So one day following a similar pattern to those around it is helpful, and exceptions and special days can be stressful. Christmas, for example, can be a bit of a trial. There are different sights, sounds, activities, people, settings, times and rhythms for doing things - and any one of those changes could take an autistic person out of their (limited) comfort zone. Don't get me wrong - it's very nice to get presents and attention and feel loved - of course it is. But the pressure to respond "correctly" and handle complex social situations can be quite intense. There are so many conventions to remember and handle - such having to invite people you don't like to your party, or thank people for gifts that you don't really want. It's basic good manners, but it's also extra reminders of how the world doesn't make sense to your autistic brain and how you constantly have to "perform" the role of not being autistic in order to fit in.

It's not my birthday - it's my name day - sort of. But it's an opportunity to write about why birthdays are a challenge for we autistics - doing the "normal" stuff doesn't work for us, but there aren't many people around who'd enjoy what we enjoy. #Autism

21.05.2025 06:02 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

Masking at work "Masking" is when an autistic person hides their autism to "pass" as neurotypical. That can happen because society keeps punishing them for autistic behaviours with ridicule or rejection, or because the autistic person has made a conscious choice to downplay their autistic identity in a given situation. So - masking at work - is it a trauma response or a tactical choice?

Lots of autistic people talk about "masking" - pretending not to be autistic in order to fit in. But what are its costs and benefits - is it ever worth it? #Autism

19.05.2025 06:08 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

I’m autistic – shall I tell my manager? Lots of autistic people only get a diagnosis in adulthood - back when I was a child diagnosis wasn't routine, particularly not for girls. I got my diagnosis when I was well into my civil service career and wasn't sure whether I should tell anyone. Part of me feared the effects of the stigma that autism carries in society - there's a stereotype of what "autistic" looks like, and it's not a stereotype that's going to do your career any good. But equally, if you want any adjustments at work (list of potential adjustments here), or indeed to be able to bring your whole self to work, then you need to tell your manager and colleagues. So - what to do?

Suppose you're autistic and diagnosed in adulthood. You're in work but should you or shouldn't you tell your manager and colleagues? Here's some things to think about. #Autism

12.05.2025 06:06 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

Autism Reasonable Adjustments Reasonable adjustments are moderate (="reasonable") changes that disabled people may need to mean that they have a fair and equal opportunity, for example at work. Something everyone would recognise is having a ramp instead of steps to help colleagues who use wheelchairs get in. But it's less obvious for invisible disabilities like autism what might be helpful.

A reasonable adjustment is a moderate change to make things accessible to a disabled person. But what reasonable adjustments work for invisible disabilities? #Autism

05.05.2025 06:00 — 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

Literal Change Many people believe that autistic people can't cope with change or uncertainty, but I think in fact the issue is that we struggle with how neurotypical people communicate change. We don't understand hedging around the issue or hints, and so are in a constant state of stress about what it is we're missing. It's also common that what a neurotypical colleague will think important isn't what we think important, so we may not get any communication on what matters most to us. If change is communicated clearly and literally, then I think we'd all do much better.

We autistics tend to believe what we are told and potentially take it literally. So if things are changing, make sure you communicate what literally is going to happen to avoid misunderstandings. #Autism

28.04.2025 06:24 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

Redeeming Our Autistic Past At the moment when you realise you're autistic you may find your whole life suddenly makes sense. All the misunderstandings, the embarrassment, the struggle - you see how they fit into a pattern of you having a different brain. You're also likely to realise, if your diagnosed in adulthood like I was, how much your childhood and youth was blighted by not knowing and how many kind well-intentioned people did immeasurable harm by not knowing either. Perhaps relations or teachers tried to force you to conform and hide your autistic self - making you feel it's not acceptable to be who you really were. Some autistic children are punished if they show autistic traits or come to realise how ashamed their parents are of them or how much of a disappointment they are. That leaves harm that will endure into adult life, but it shouldn't dominate adult life.

We autistics need to reclaim our pasts and learn how to manage, but not obsess about, the traumas the happened during earlier times of less understanding. The message of Eastertime is about renewal and rebirth, putting the past behind us and moving on to better things. #Autism

21.04.2025 06:01 — 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

Autistic-friendly Change Change is terrifying for many people, and for autistics in particular. We depend on "scaffolding" to cope with the world, and change makes that scaffolding fall away until it can be rebuilt. It can also be particularly difficult to cope when the scaffolding needed to hold us up is something the rest of the world sees as silly or inconsequential. How CAN having the right mug for your coffee make all that much difference? So change means fear of loss of the things you need to cope and likely inability to get them back. And that's even before we've looked at the new "scripts" for dealing with the world that will have to be re-written for the new circumstances (imagine having to write yourself a new phrase book for every job change), and the ever present anxiety and fear of rejection. So broadly speaking autistics fear change. But it OUGHT to be possible to do change in a way that works for autistics oughtn't it? I'm trying to work out how.

It OUGHT to be possible to do change in a way that works for autistics, but people so seldom do. Here's a few hopefully helpful ideas on doing better. #Autism

14.04.2025 06:13 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

Change can be terrifying The professional world we live in is full of change - evolution, development, occasional revolution. I was talking about this with a wise senior colleague and I pointed out that autistic people find change disconcerting at best and terrifying at worst. This colleague asked a very simple but profound question: why? I realised I had no idea so I thought I'd try and think it out. Please do tell me if you agree or disagree with what I've come up with. My experience of being an autistic professional is that I've built up some very careful "scaffolding" around how I operate that makes things possible. Change means losing that scaffolding and having to rebuild it, and until it's rebuilt I feel very unsteady and liable to fall over. No-one else can see the scaffolding, and I can forget it's there, so it's only when it's unexpectedly taken away that I notice. But having forgotten that I have scaffolding I'm depending on (because I'm so used to it), I don't necessarily see the effect of change coming until it comes. So it's a nasty shock.

It's a common belief that autistics can't deal with change. But it's not that clear cut be any means. I can deal with change provided I have the right continuity and scaffolding in place. #Autism

07.04.2025 06:09 — 👍 3 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

Autistic Spectrum Church – TODAY 6 April 2025 At 2.30pm on Sunday 6 April, St Mary of Charity, Faversham will host a short service of words and music FOR autistic Christians LED BY autistic Christians. The theme will be that God made some of us autistic and that must be how he likes us. The service will be live streamed on Zoom and available as a recording afterwards. The pew sheet (the document showing exactly what will happen at each point of the service) is now available online too.

Autistic Spectrum Church – TODAY 6 April 2025

At 2.30pm on Sunday 6 April, St Mary of Charity, Faversham will host a short service of words and music FOR autistic Christians LED BY autistic Christians. The theme will be that God made some of us autistic and that must be how he likes us. The…

06.04.2025 07:44 — 👍 2 🔁 1 💬 0 📌 0

Helen Jeffries

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