Rob H.

Today is my birthday.🎊 I'm celebrating it in Berlin. 🇩🇪If you buy my books as a birthday gift to yourselves, they will make you laugh out loud and that will make me smile. 😊

Which would be the best birthday present ever. (Well, aside from a Ferrari, a yacht and a supermodel).

A depressing view of Bluesky 'humour' feeds with very low follower counts proving this is the most boring of all social media platforms.

I think this says it all about #bluesky

The top five 'humour' feeds have 31, 13, 6, 1 and 1 followers respectively 🤦‍♂️🙁

The paperback is now out in the wild 📔

Murder! Mystery! Intrigue! Friendship! Incompetence! Homicidal monkeys! 😂

www.amazon.co.uk/Assassins-So...

Dear "book marketing experts" 🙄

Did you know....?

When you go into somebody's DMs and start a conversation that leads to, 'I can help you market your book if you pay me'.....from the other person's perspective you're just a stranger on the internet asking for money.

Does anyone else wish they could get in a time machine and go back to the 1980s to run a multi level marketing scheme and make lots of money off of unsuspecting fools?

Nobody?

Awesome...no competition😁

In unrelated news, has anybody got a time machine they can lend me? 😁

You can tell how useful you are at work when you ask for time off - if the manager cries then you're indispensable.

I just booked a week off and they held a party. 😳😁

On today's 'In what world do you think your answer actually helps?'...

🤦‍♂️😂

Maybe the GFH group bought us too soon 😂

There skeletons wearing hats in a bath on wheels...I see some strange things when I go for a walk 😁

I have never been part of a starter pack on here 😨

Also, I've never gone around to anyone's house and rammed a copy of my new book up their arse because they haven't bought it yet 😁

I wonder which will happen first?
😂

You could hide most of our team from last year in there...not any more though, now we've become Geat Big Lads United 😁

True...although the whole 49ers approach is based on secrecy and they are a professional organisation so I'd trust them, although I'm not sure Paraag is the right man for the job. It may be there are negotiations going on behind the scenes...fingers crossed 😳

That's true... unfortunately we've ridden that rollercoaster before and overspent. Went into administration once and had to sell everyone the second time.

We seem to be following the Norwich model of just spending enough to stay up and then maybe spending more next year but either way is a gamble😳

I've no idea how Sunderland can be seen as a better option than Leeds...it must be money. Maybe we can pick off their signings next summer if they go down and we stay up 😁

Same 😊

Don't forget...as an adult you can buy yourself a large chocolate cake, take it home and eat it all by yourself in your PJs. No-one checks. 😊

That's a big ask 😂😳

You're welcome to one of mine 😊

New job and I have no clue what I'm doing and lied on my CV...'fake it until you make it' they said, so let's give this a go 😁

"Flight AB125, you are cleared for take off. Or landing. Or you can just fly where you want. Over."

😳😂

Exactly 😁😊

We're a nation of people who pay £8.48 for fish fingers 😁

I never thought I'd see the day when fish fingers were nearly £9 😳

a man with a crown on his head and a cane ALT: a man with a crown on his head and a cane

Dear Americans,

As you get ready to celebrate (?) 4th July tomorrow, it's not too late to come back to us. 😊

Our leaders might be incompetent, but at least they're not mean.

This is truly terrible for everyone involved, particularly his new wife and three children. Unimaginable what they're feeling.

It's unbelievable isn't it? 😨

It's good that it keeps the riff-raff away but there does seem to be a spark of magic missing.

I still find it very dry and humourless, like a sedate family christening...that other place was like Saturday night in a dive bar with live music and a fight outside in the car park at closing time. 😊

Bit disappointing to be fair..he said he struggled with being in Leeds away from his family in Bournemouth but Glasgow is even further away...maybe the lure of deep fried mars bars proved too much for the good Mrs R. 🤷‍♂️😂

The first review of my new book, 'The Assassins' Social Club 2'

"I loved reading it. Made me laugh out loud. Thank you, Rob. Very entertaining. I'm looking forward to The Assassins' Social Club #3, #4, and #5!"

If you want to laugh out loud...maybe you should buy it too?! 😊

My new book is out today in paperback as well as Kindle.

Only buy it if you like escapism, laughter, warm characters, an interesting story...and homicidal monkeys.

😁

#booksky

A Trump supporter DM'd me on Twitter saying she got one of my books but didn't understand the humour 🤦‍♂️

Proof that my books are only for intelligent people

- Six Idiots Witness a Murder
- The Assassins Social Club

Laugh until your sides split (unless you're a Trumper) 😂

#booksky
#writingcommunity