please accept my sincerest oopsie daises
05.03.2026 14:13 — 👍 75 🔁 36 💬 1 📌 0please accept my sincerest oopsie daises
05.03.2026 14:13 — 👍 75 🔁 36 💬 1 📌 0Make sure you eat protein, fat, and carbs for maximum aliveness
05.03.2026 15:50 — 👍 34 🔁 7 💬 4 📌 0🤘
05.03.2026 17:36 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0our company’s monthly SEO report says our top keyword is up 69 positions and now my tongue hurts from biting it so hard
05.03.2026 16:00 — 👍 27 🔁 7 💬 4 📌 0hey Siri, is it possible to OD on hash browns?
05.03.2026 15:55 — 👍 11 🔁 4 💬 1 📌 0“Hi Kim.This is Ludacris. Yes that Ludacris. Anyway, have I got an extended car warranty for you!”
05.03.2026 16:22 — 👍 22 🔁 4 💬 2 📌 0Bsky is like my house. If you don’t like the vibe you can get the fuck out
05.03.2026 16:16 — 👍 38 🔁 12 💬 2 📌 0Sasquatch secrets and other things Big Foot™️ doesn't want you to know
03.03.2026 14:59 — 👍 0 🔁 1 💬 0 📌 0
I am eating my dessert. How do you eat it, with your hands?
bluesky discourse arguments are like
05.03.2026 02:33 — 👍 159 🔁 35 💬 1 📌 1This is about me
05.03.2026 15:25 — 👍 29 🔁 5 💬 3 📌 0My plans for today? Same as always; drink coffee and be sexy.
05.03.2026 12:59 — 👍 106 🔁 62 💬 6 📌 0I am officially no longer down with the sickness
04.03.2026 07:23 — 👍 103 🔁 29 💬 10 📌 1Long story short, sperm banks don't accept donations via spitting into the cup.
04.03.2026 13:19 — 👍 11 🔁 3 💬 0 📌 0Elon's a stupid name
05.03.2026 00:54 — 👍 67 🔁 7 💬 11 📌 1
Sign that says: Iced Water VEGAN
I don't want this crap! Where's the meat water!
22.02.2026 12:28 — 👍 0 🔁 1 💬 0 📌 0
A product called PEGOLAND
Legoland - strap in!
PEGOLAND - strap on!
my hobbies include taking pictures of my cat and then looking at pictures of my cat
05.03.2026 02:22 — 👍 75 🔁 9 💬 5 📌 0sorry i didn’t text you back; i clicked “close all tabs” in my brain and forgot everything i’ve ever known
03.03.2026 12:35 — 👍 211 🔁 70 💬 0 📌 0😎
05.03.2026 05:49 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
i got 7 new followers overnight 😱
now i must try to be funny...um...
going to sleep now and I better not wake up
26.02.2026 05:34 — 👍 177 🔁 20 💬 14 📌 0Going to start using the word whilst just to piss people off.
04.03.2026 03:24 — 👍 230 🔁 59 💬 32 📌 1
weird orange furry thing with an american flag bikini
she’s watching me sleep i just know it
01.03.2026 04:23 — 👍 361 🔁 40 💬 38 📌 19
Text your husband "I know your secret" and he'll bring you so many presents!
You don't even need to know what the secret is!
If some people are born on third base, I was born in the Ticketmaster queue
03.03.2026 14:40 — 👍 110 🔁 31 💬 5 📌 0it’s nice how hands fit inside of hands
03.03.2026 12:46 — 👍 25 🔁 7 💬 1 📌 0😂
05.03.2026 05:41 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Recycle those jokes harder, I'm almost there.
04.03.2026 16:48 — 👍 36 🔁 12 💬 4 📌 0My era can beat up your era.
04.03.2026 16:38 — 👍 19 🔁 12 💬 0 📌 0
I think I’d like to cash out now
- my therapist