St. Simeon the Holy Fool

What is a driver?

Screenshot of headlines: The Secret to Keeping My Toilet Stain-Free Is in the Kitchen 11 Surprising Things You Can Put in Your Dishwasher

Nicely done

I was just looking in the back of my pantry and I wondered, is a can of whoop-ass still good after its expiration date? It’s never been opened.

Nancy by Ernie Bushmiller. First panel, Nancy talking to a logger sawing a tree and pointing to a carved piece of trunk. Nancy: Can I have that piece? My boy friend carved it. Logger: Sure. Second panel, Nancy is watching the log burn in the fire place. Nancy: I'm mad at him.

Every once in awhile I think about this Nancy comic and it makes me laugh every single time. Absolute perfection.

"Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired signifies, in the final sense, a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed."

-Dwight D. Eisenhower, 1953

AQUARIUS: You keep getting this weird vague feeling like somebody somewhere could be writing a hit song about the dawning of the age of you.

“Rutherford Statement on Operation Epic Furry” “Furry” highlighted by me http://rutherford.house.gov/media/press-releases/rutherford-statement-operation-epic-furry

Google result showing the presser for Rutherford’s statement on “Operation Epic Furry” was posted 11 hours ago

What a time to be alive

the fifa peace prize used to mean something

Protesting peeps outside the candy factory. Signs include “no justice no peeps”, “peep se peude”, “united we peep, divided we weep”, “power to the peep-le”

Random fun fact: I can’t talk about peeps without bringing up that when the confectioners union that makes them went on strike they carried signs that said “no justice no peeps”

There is no way this place is not the absolute best place in town

ME: Taking my car in to get an owl change.

MECHANIC: Don’t you mean an oil change?

ME: What?

TIRED-LOOKING OWL ON MY DASHBOARD: hooOoOo

This is all a distraction from the 2004 Emmy Awards

…And I must have gone over this like twenty times trying to get the wording exactly right

PISCES: All your wildest dreams are about to come true! Your dream was to be a performance art sous chef, right? No? Oh. Well, this is awkward.

AQUARIUS: You keep getting this weird vague feeling like somebody somewhere could be writing a hit song about the dawning of the age of you.

CAPRICORN: They laughed at you and called you “play-doh man” when you ordered fifteen metric tons of play-doh. But who’s laughing now? Still them. What were you even going to do with all that, play-doh man?

SAGITTARIUS: The monster under your bed has been making friends with the skeleton in your closet.

SCORPIO: Okay, stop me if you’ve heard this one. So there’s this guy, right? And he walks into a bar, he wants to get a drink or something, and the bartender is there and he says what’ll you have? The bartender says it I mean, not the guy. Well the guy thinks about it and says how about a Diet Coke?

LIBRA: Think before you make overly ambitious decisions, like starting a themed thread without considering the format means you’ll have to come up with twelve entire jokes.

VIRGO: It’s not that nobody believes your story about getting abducted by aliens, it’s that they all saw it on the news when it happened and they’re kind of tired of hearing it for the fiftieth time.

Autocorrect is no bueno

LEO: Deep relationship struggles will surface when your chatbot girlfriend is updated to the new AI model.

CANCER: Oh boy. How do we break this to you? You know the theory that all living things eventually turn into crabs? And, have you ever read Kafka’s “The Metamorphosis “?

GEMINI: You’ll discover romance in a moment you weren’t even looking for it: flipping through the encyclopedia, right next to the article on the Roman Empire.

TAURUS: Personal struggles will intensify with a Pisces in your life when she chases you down an alley with a chain saw.

AIRES: A huge load of money is coming your way! You never would have expected that one day you’d get hit by a Brinks truck.

Pumpkin Spice Hitman

Coffee bags, one is Tom of Finland with a Tom of Finland image on it. The other is Moomin with a Moomin leaning on a blueberry. More details: in the photograph of two "Art Roast" coffee bags on the shelf of a store with prices in euros. One of the bags is large and black and says HEAVY DUTY dark roast coffee beans, exclusive blend by Robert [I can't read it, it's in script]. The other is blue and says Blueberry coffee.

ah yes, the two genders

Old McDonald had an Electronic Interface Engine Input/Output (EIEIO)