Chelly 🪿

Call me old-fashioned but telling me you want the sexiest kids does not make me want to marry you. 😬

I can’t be a goth. I like powdered doughnuts too much.

What do you do for work?
Scroll on my phone and wait for 5pm.

I really need to tone it down because every time someone says “did you hear who died?” I get way too excited.

If you’re not mooing with me you’re mooing against me

Not much has changed since I was a kid. I still want my friends to come over and play with me and my new toys.

i’ve heard sleeping through the night is nice…i’d love to try it sometime

“Everyone says it’s the best Heaven they’ve ever seen maybe ever.”

“Folks I’m here. Heaven was a disaster before me and everybody knows it. Jesus? Nice guy very weak low energy frankly. The angels are crying folks because I’m making Heaven GREAT again. Pearly gates? They’ll be gold now. Streets of gold? Even golder.”

Happy Friday my little gaggle of beanlings🪿🫘 Go be the sin you wish to see in the world

Mentally hit rock bottom, physically would like to get topped.

Hi can we unpin my safe word from the top of our chat? I can’t take our conversations seriously with “oatmeal” staring at me the entire time.

Yeah, it doesn’t do shit

Wow guess I’m not sleeping tonight. Someone on the internet told me pillows don’t have bones.

Pillows have no bones.

I’ve gained more followers on my threads alt account in the last 2 weeks than I have in the last 6 months on Bluesky.

You look so much like someone I used to know in this picture. I had to do a double take thinking I just randomly found her on Bluesky.

I know that butt

all i wanna do is eat everything all the time, never exercise, and be in great shape is that too much to ask

As much as these look and taste like skittles you should NOT devour the entire bag.

Hi sometimes I forget I have a Bluesky but as threads starts to suck more and more these days I’m going to try and bring more of my mooties over here.

An older woman sits in the back of a pickup truck.

We swore we weren’t gonna get another grandma after the last one died, but when we saw this one at the shelter, we just knew we had to have her.

At some point me being hungry becomes a you problem

Whenever I take my ADHD meds
Me to me: “Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?”

When I say “take me out” I mean in the permanent sense.

I’m in love with you

I made it 3 miles before I threw up

I got winded putting on my sports bra so this bike ride is off to a great start.

If I ever get kidnapped or go missing the forensic team won’t even have to try. My habits got me coughing so hard I’m leaving DNA evidence like a damn breadcrumb trail. You’re welcome CSI.

I want a dog poop Roomba for outside