ཐི⋆Sarab⋆ཋྀ ˚₊‧⁺

#lemonwatersky

mine too but its the ass bone thats on fire cuz of working out on a mat💔

Abe day. I wasn’t able to do all I could because my abs are so weak. Got nauseous midway. But nevertheless, it’s something.

Thankgod workers are sometimes understanding. I always change my order last second whenever I’m anywhere outside. I’d be like “I’d love some avocado toast rn” and then panic inside IMMEDIATELY after telling the cashier.

Walk to my table. Walk back. Ask to change. They were understanding

I thought I was getting better.
No. No you weren’t. You found replacements for the people you missed and made the same mistakes.
You found another way to punish yourself for the memories that keep you awake at night.

And your age has new numbers. Yet you haven’t healed yet.
How do I heal?

I’m just… disembodied. I’ve fucked up my perception beyond repair

I’m eating more than I should lately but I’m also working out a lot more. It leads to binges quite a lot easier when I restrict AND workout.

But my body doesn’t look necessarily bad. tbh I’m losing all sense of how I look like and what I want to be.

Holy shit am I broken. A big part of me is Just a cripplingly anxious kid beyond repair. Broke once and just doesn’t get fixed.

another part of me picks him up and lets him tag along, everyday, every waking moment of my life. What else am I supposed to do with him?

I can’t just leave him.

With how much cardio I did, around 500-600 kcals shoulda been burnt with the after effects and all. I just hope its enough. My bloat is definitely nearly gone.

mania is going to the gym on a finals night because im so fucking insane about purging those cals I literally couldnt do anything else.

I got so stressed I binged and I binged and I binged and I binged and I want to cry but fucking hell please let this week end so I can stop stress eating please God

Yesterday I had this and it was so delicious

I’m also thinking of going to the gym/pool but I’m prioritizing losing rn. It’s much harder to balance eating healthy and working out rather than just… starving for a while.

My scale stopped working so I have the blessing of not knowing how much I gained. But I can tell by my looks in the mirror I am not happy.
The minute finals end, I’m restricting heavily for a month. Extreme diet. See how much I lose. Starting next Thursday.

Finals are back and I gained a little… It makes me very upset to not be a person who stops eating when they’re stressed.

Anyway. It’s gonna be a “pretend” day. I’m gonna try to pretend I’m one of those people for as long as I can. I already had a good breakfast, so it shouldn’t be hard to hold out

Except I just discovered they’re high in insoluble fiber so… limiting them to max 2 per day and on empty stomach solely.

I’m also trying to cut down on my energy drink intake… I’m someone who is constantly dehydrated, so imagine that with energy drinks lol. Kidney stones speedrun

I just bought it so I can have it on me… but hopefully not drink it today

Boy dinner (its afternoon)

First time trying these corn cakes. They’re actually pretty damn good.
Last time I tried rice cakes made of oats and brown rice they gave me the worst stomachache of my life.

I’m hoping these which are made of 100% corn and gluten free to be better🙏🏼

i feel extremely fuckin sick and i have finals. this always happens

never drink energy drinks without staying hydrated. For the love of god. Why am I only discovering this now at my big ass age

Yuhhh I do feel bad for eating it usually but I honestly am lacking in nutrients lately… a 130kcal breakfast isnt too bad😵‍💫

ended up eating the yolk bc so creamy and warm and delish and i feel like im ruining my gut health if i drink a monster on a completely empty stomach haha

You indeed should be proud <3

with or without yolk ?

Go hungry go hungry go hungry again go hungry go hungry already god fucking dammit

I do so well, something goes out of plan and I binge…
I could make it an omad but god… that would be hell to stand through tomorrow.

I don’t wanna get into a binge restrict cycle. God no. Sigh. I just fucked up once in a real long while, I’ll make up for it. I will

Daily reminder to not give guys the benefit of the doubt. Just don’t. They will take it personally but then you’ll know it wasn’t a man, it was a boy

Sorry! Yeah when I said higher intake I meant higher than ur deficit intake no matter how much that deficit is ^^ My bad.

But that cycle is definitely not easy. Maybe another factor than disordered eating at play. Hope you feel better soon <3

Ik these ppl are talking about being high but honestly every time i reach this phase of sleep I always think its probably as close as I’ll get to being high.

It feels so comforting and good. I love keeping myself awake until I’m fighting to stay conscious just to feel that in between

a man is standing in front of a can of white monster energy drink ALT: a man is standing in front of a can of white monster energy drink

Great!