Tycho’s Moose

And somewhere, an angel gets its wings...

Speak for yourself gayboy

Sure Gavin Newsom sucks, is a transphobe, covered up SA at his business, intercedes to help giant corporations get more power, vetoed human rights bills and is so obviously power hungry he should never get an iota more, but did you consider: nobody likes him and he polls terribly in 28 match-ups?

Zim venting to his robot dog

Love when I'm at an ATM and it has a popup ad offering a loan for a home purchase like... Buddy, you know better than me how much money I have. I need a loan for a pizza purchase

Why is one of the TVs at this sex club just playing Everybody Loves Raymond?

Sometimes it's important to remember that to everyone else YOU are the little gay people in their phone

this queen

You can draw a direct correlation between the improvement of food on flights and Jerry Seinfeld's turn to the right

Kramer takes up goat husbandry until Lumon’s aggressive monopolizing pushes him out of business.

Sein-Verance

Jerry realizes that without his memories of work he can’t come up new material for standup. Elaine learns that men find her innie significantly more attractive. Newman says George’s innie owes him $20, but George insists Outie’s shouldn’t have to cover their innie’s debts.

The woke left is trying to take away your Salt Lick. They don’t want you to lick salt anymore. This is bullshit. How will my kids grow up strong if they can’t lick the same rock that I licked, that my father licked. They hate your heritage

HO WEARY TRAVELER!! If you want to continue your journey down this treacherous path you must answer my Riddle One!
Now-

Yes just one…

No I don’t have any more..

YES I CAN THINK OF MORE THAN ONE RIDDLE it’s just.. the economy, it’s so bad…

Man I dunno, just go through. It’s fine, it’s whatever

#Library_of_Ruina

I had a moment of Genuine belief that Trump had nominated Vince McMahon to be secretary of education. God can you imagine. I’d post that clip of him saying “what’s up, my n***as” every day.

Love riffing with friends. Top ten experience. Where else can “I need to get my lotion from Amazon” become “I need to skin Jeffrey and wear him like a suit so I can be smooth”
The world is full of cathedrals for those with eyes to see

Every license plate in Gotham has a little blurb of text on the back that says “made in a facility that also processes Nuts”

“I can’t believe this is happening”
- Man who couldn’t believe this when it happened 8 years ago

*looks up from my office chair to see a giant blade hanging from a rope that is slowly fraying, and will eventually pierce my fragile skull*
“Erm, well, THIS is awkward”

Intercontinental Ballistic Fleshlight

Whenever I feel like I’m “Not Queer enough” or “pretending” I like to do something stereotypically gay to raise my spirits. Usually something like have an iced coffee, or listen to Britney, or fuck a dude

balatro game over icon: defeated by The Mouth #balatro

Hey, are you Jason Blum?? Of Blumhouse? Cool! Can I bend your ear for a sec? I’ve got a great idea for a horror flick I think you’re really gonna dig. It’s sort of a new thing, I’m taking a beloved childhood icon and twisting it in a super scary way. I call it “Tickle You Elmo”- where are you going?

“Lopunny! More like WOAH HONEY, amirite folks?”

*Anubis stares blankly at me as my feather grows steadily heavier on the scale behind him*

Nothing better than getting a text from a roommate saying “I’m gonna scream” and then hearing a muffled scream

(Inspired by my Riolu)

“What? It looks like your TWINK is evolving!”
*whooshing noises, bright lights, etc*
“Congratulations! Your TWINK evolved into TWUNK!”