Them: "You're beautiful no matter what they say."
Me: "Awww thank y...wait what?"
01.03.2026 15:07 —
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Yeah but she’s a woman and her laugh is annoying. /s 🙄
01.03.2026 15:06 —
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I hate how accurate this tweet is.
01.03.2026 15:05 —
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This was made sixteen years ago, unfortunately it's still relevant.
01.03.2026 15:04 —
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I just wanna date someone who makes me feel the way I feel when the Amazon driver rings the doorbell.
01.03.2026 14:59 —
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If we're in a relationship, your clothes are my clothes too. Don't ask me why I have your shirt on. This is our shirt.
01.03.2026 14:58 —
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I don’t know why people say Facebook isn’t a dating app. I’ve encountered plenty of available married men on there.
01.03.2026 14:57 —
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About the only rebellious thing about me is that I refuse to cover my super white legs no matter how many people I blind.
01.03.2026 14:55 —
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Aged like milk...
28.02.2026 17:01 —
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The new super weapon unveiled by Iran...Yes, PLEASE!
28.02.2026 16:47 —
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Lying to my doctor when she asks if I've been sexually active lately by saying "yes" so she doesn’t think I'm lame.
28.02.2026 15:26 —
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28.02.2026 15:26 —
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If you want to make me happy, leave the room and come back in as an outdoor cedar soaking tub near a quiet cabin in Topanga.
28.02.2026 15:23 —
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It’s a fucking cult of the dumbest among us.
28.02.2026 15:22 —
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Remember in school when you played Cowboys and [Native Americans] and you always thought the cowboys were the good guys? Yeah.
28.02.2026 15:19 —
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I don’t like the idea of penises growing over time, but I also don’t like the idea of them starting out full size. Ultimately, I understand that the right call was made.
28.02.2026 14:37 —
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If you're having a bad day, just remember that someone is dating your ex right now.
28.02.2026 14:37 —
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The Average Republican
28.02.2026 14:37 —
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Nothing to see here...move along.
28.02.2026 14:34 —
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He also ran on releasing the Epstein files, and since weaseling his way out of that has gone so poorly, he needed a distraction.
28.02.2026 14:32 —
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Here we go again...
28.02.2026 14:29 —
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Me: "I’ll have the mouse, please."
Waiter: "That’s mousse, Ma'am"
Me: "Never mind then, that’ll be way too much food."
28.02.2026 14:22 —
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Don't be surprised if you see me on your trail camera footage tonight. I'm just out being a little freak.
28.02.2026 14:21 —
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The problem with telling them to take it down is that the ICE video will be weeks old and gone from the first 50 scrolls of the mouse before any action is taken, if ever. The damage is done.
27.02.2026 23:38 —
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The problem with telling them to take it down is that the ICE video will be weeks old and gone from the first 50 scrolls of the mouse before any action is taken, if ever. The damage is done.
27.02.2026 23:38 —
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The cover of Lancet says it all...
27.02.2026 23:25 —
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One day we will look back and won’t believe what this country let Trump get away with. Nothing can ever be the same after this.
27.02.2026 23:15 —
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His supporters are starving. But if they know someone who will get a dollar less than they do, they feel like it's worth it.
27.02.2026 23:12 —
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Can we just stop screwing around and frost the whole Pop Tart. I mean, we have the technology.
27.02.2026 21:39 —
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🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️
Is an appropriate response from getting hit in the crotch "good thing I got rid of that"?
🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️
27.02.2026 21:37 —
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