TheSpecPitchbot (Satire)

The Canadian Department of Pedantry issued a reminder for Canadians today:

If it doesn't come from Minister Champagne's office it isn't austerity; it's just sparkling neoliberalism.

The Canadian Department of Pedantry issued a reminder for Canadians today:

If it doesn't come from Minister Champagne's office it isn't austerity; it's just sparkling neoliberalism.

Council's decision to instruct staff to draft a maximum heat bylaw made Hamilton a national leader in 2023. Now, in 2025 Toronto is poised to be the first to cross the finish line. When asked why, #HamOnt city staff said "Toronto is just a better city run by better people."

Haldimand waste hauler convicted of illegally dumping raw sewage—judge advises owner of D&C Pumping Service to get into municipal politics if they want to be able to pollute natural waterways without consequence.

Council's decision to instruct staff to draft a maximum heat bylaw made Hamilton a national leader in 2023. Now, in 2025 Toronto is poised to be the first to cross the finish line. When asked why, #HamOnt city staff said "Toronto is just a better city run by better people."

Haldimand waste hauler convicted of illegally dumping raw sewage—judge advises owner of D&C Pumping Service to get into municipal politics if they want to be able to pollute natural waterways without consequence.

Do you guys want me to do it? I love making quorum.

BREAKING | Trudeau, Poilievre, & Singh announce they are forming a band named The Political Spectrum Rejects.

BREAKING | Even if they lose every remaining game, the Toronto Maple Leafs are safe from being the team that blew the biggest lead this week.

BREAKING | Trudeau, Poilievre, & Singh announce they are forming a band named The Political Spectrum Rejects.

BREAKING | Even if they lose every remaining game, the Toronto Maple Leafs are safe from being the team that blew the biggest lead this week.

Conservative leader Pierre Poilievre abandoned his "verb the noun" rhetoric on the campaign trail today. Instead, the lifelong politician told the crowd how much he appreciates the critiques of political pundit Steve Boots, adding that watching WTHC? is better than any cabinet meeting.

The archbishop of Toronto, Cardinal Frank Leo is headed to Rome for the conclave to elect the next Pope.

If elected, Vatican experts say it is only a matter of time until maple syrup is decreed an appropriate substitute for the Eucharist.

After the death of Pope Francis, conservatives across Canada are expressing anger at what they call an unfair & unjust system.

"It's bad enough we didn't get to vote for PM, but now they won't let us vote for the new Pope either!" said one Protestant who failed both high school civics & religion.

After the death of Pope Francis, conservatives across Canada are expressing anger at what they call an unfair & unjust system.

"It's bad enough we didn't get to vote for PM, but now they won't let us vote for the new Pope either!" said one Protestant who failed both high school civics & religion.

@theeagleist.bsky.social
@cbcpitchbot.bsky.social
@thespecpitchbot.bsky.social

An image of the three Spanish Cardinals representing the Spanish Inquisition from Monty Python's Flying Circus.

After having a line of questioning ruled 'out of order' during public delegations regarding the 2025 budget, Clr Danko has hired 3 outside experts to assist him for future public delegations.

There is no record of a public procurement process for the position.

An image of Hamilton City Council chambers with a wooden medieval style pillory added across from the speaker's lectern.

Hamilton city council looked at the rules surrounding public delegations today. Due to existing charter protections of freedom of expression citizens will continue to be allowed to delegate, but those deemed "troublemakers" may be required to do so from a pillory, at the chair's discretion.

#HamOnt

An image of the three Spanish Cardinals representing the Spanish Inquisition from Monty Python's Flying Circus.

After having a line of questioning ruled 'out of order' during public delegations regarding the 2025 budget, Clr Danko has hired 3 outside experts to assist him for future public delegations.

There is no record of a public procurement process for the position.

And Council shall be given discretion to pelt said delegate with rotten vegetables if they deem it necessary.

An image of Hamilton City Council chambers with a wooden medieval style pillory added across from the speaker's lectern.

Hamilton city council looked at the rules surrounding public delegations today. Due to existing charter protections of freedom of expression citizens will continue to be allowed to delegate, but those deemed "troublemakers" may be required to do so from a pillory, at the chair's discretion.

#HamOnt

Three white pillars outside a residence with the top half of a "FOR RENT" sign visible.

The average cost to rent a 1 bedroom apartment in Hamilton has fallen, ever so slightly, for the second month in a row. Prices have gone from 'wholly unaffordable', to 'virtually unaffordable', to now 'basically unaffordable'.

A picture of three police officers standing around at night wearing reflective vests. Two are standing on a sidewalk, one is standing on a roadway leaning into the passenger window of a car. Yellow police tape can be seen in the top left background. Part of a police vehicle that says POLICE can be seen in the bottom right foreground.

After Hamilton Police fatally shot a 43 year old man over the weekend one Clr took to social media to remind grieving members of a marginalized community that "Police officers don't murder people, people with badges murder people."

A black and white white picture of the facade of White Orchid that says "Special Announcement" at the bottom. Above the building in the picture is the "Forge & Foster Investment Management" logo. Below the picture the following text: First, we at Forge & Foster wish to congratulate Wild Orchid for remaining open for nearly 30 years in one location. That is an impressive feat, one we would certainly never even attempt! I mean, how is that even possible? Once you factor in increasing shareholder's profits by lowering the quality of the food, and increasing shareholder's profits by firing at least one-quarter of your most experienced staff, and randomly closing the restaurant so you can open it up again three weeks later, but only certain days and for certain meals, and then shutting it down again for good, but not really for good, but actually yeah, for good... It just doesn't make sense. Anyway, what we really want to say to Wild Orchid is "Thanks". Thank you for proving to Hamilton that it's not always us.

Shortly after the popular Portuguese restaurant Wild Orchid announced on social media that it would be closing its doors for good on Dec 31st, Forge & Foster Investments released the following statement:

Three white pillars outside a residence with the top half of a "FOR RENT" sign visible.

The average cost to rent a 1 bedroom apartment in Hamilton has fallen, ever so slightly, for the second month in a row. Prices have gone from 'wholly unaffordable', to 'virtually unaffordable', to now 'basically unaffordable'.

A picture of three police officers standing around at night wearing reflective vests. Two are standing on a sidewalk, one is standing on a roadway leaning into the passenger window of a car. Yellow police tape can be seen in the top left background. Part of a police vehicle that says POLICE can be seen in the bottom right foreground.

After Hamilton Police fatally shot a 43 year old man over the weekend one Clr took to social media to remind grieving members of a marginalized community that "Police officers don't murder people, people with badges murder people."

A black and white white picture of the facade of White Orchid that says "Special Announcement" at the bottom. Above the building in the picture is the "Forge & Foster Investment Management" logo. Below the picture the following text: First, we at Forge & Foster wish to congratulate Wild Orchid for remaining open for nearly 30 years in one location. That is an impressive feat, one we would certainly never even attempt! I mean, how is that even possible? Once you factor in increasing shareholder's profits by lowering the quality of the food, and increasing shareholder's profits by firing at least one-quarter of your most experienced staff, and randomly closing the restaurant so you can open it up again three weeks later, but only certain days and for certain meals, and then shutting it down again for good, but not really for good, but actually yeah, for good... It just doesn't make sense. Anyway, what we really want to say to Wild Orchid is "Thanks". Thank you for proving to Hamilton that it's not always us.

Shortly after the popular Portuguese restaurant Wild Orchid announced on social media that it would be closing its doors for good on Dec 31st, Forge & Foster Investments released the following statement:

Joey and @thespecpitchbot.bsky.social are here!
The rest will follow.

I’m working on a starter pack for #HamOnt. Please let me know if you’d like to be added!

go.bsky.app/2Y3sEAk