Julia

feeling bad about your shape makes you feel that you don’t maybe like people as much, like you don’t fit in or feel stupid so your a real personality doesn’t even get a chance to be expressed - but at the same time you have maybe have developed more your mind and heart, you bring more to the table

Like does the person do good w/those things or are they not appreciative/humble? one thing that helps is to think if I can fight & maintain a shape that’s society likes then maybe I can like have more freedom & do what I want & maybe this pain somehow has made me better human being (more empathy)

I don’t know why some people are born with a naturally thin body (& get to put their energy towards other things) or blessed w/beauty, brains, family money, opportunity) but I think maybe on some level it is a test to see what do we do with those things if we are lucky to have them without struggle

Yeah, that’s the struggle - can fight for three weeks & only lose a small amount & then don’t be strict for just a few days & the progress is lost - my point is that how much of the anx/dep is from the physical struggle like you don’t get to just wake up every day & live & feel good about yourself

But do you think of yourself as good,
if you could be you but in a world in which the physical property of shape didnt define you, would think you are cool? I think about JL thin, I mean maybe he liked it & it made him happy, this guy is a timeless loved genius - but maybe still working on shape

I get exhausted trying not to eat every day (or to be strict) & having to work hard just to even be at a high end if whatever normal like total focus on restriction & exercise - ppl who are just naturally slim have no idea & then not being a certain shape in society messes up confidence

I think we think so much about shapes (size, beauty) & that is just one part of the Universe (we miss out on good stuff). my mom has been on a GLP shot & finally is losing fat without struggle & she feels like now not a failure, like all this time obesity wasnt all her fault or emotions/willpower