Julia Alonzo

Just a few small ones

we’re so cooked

WHAT DOES SIX SEVEN MEAN AND WHY DOES MY CHILD KEEP SAYING IT

He didn’t say what sport

(Mine is moving to New Zealand and I am doing just *fine* with it thank you very much)

I wonder if anyone has ever been watching a random episode of house hunters international and seen their therapist

Explain how cottage cheese with fruit is different than milk mixed with orange juice EXPLAIN I SAY

In a lot of ways I am a cheese snob and in another life I work at a place like Murray’s. But also: queso made from velveeta and rotel is fucking delicious

Finally looked up what all of the “friend” ads I’ve been seeing all over the subways are for and jesus christ we are living in hell

i was going to type something mean about jim harbaugh but my phone autocorrected harbaugh to garnish and i think that’s mean enough

A sign at a street fair that says “teach empathy with two wolves” and next to the letters there is a smiling red wolf and a smiling green wolf holding hands

Inside of you there are two wolves. They are friends

I almost tagged you in my skeet

I was up scrolling in the middle of the night and saw a take that said Nickelback got the hate that Maroon 5 deserved and I’m not saying it’s right but man did it stick with me

Is the immense stupidity of this take what’s making Bluesky run slowly tonight

911: The Rapture

“There is some Cavalier magic” THAT IS THE SMELL OF HORSES MIXED WITH DAY OLD JUNGLE JUICE MY MAN

*clears throat*

*sits up straight*

*adjusts glasses*

WAHOOWA

👀👀👀

Could he *be* anymore of a wahoo

Jack: “Mom who do you want to win?”
Me: “UCLA”
Jack: “Why do you want them to win?”
Me: “They’re the underdog. Also I don’t like the team they’re playing, Penn State”
Jack: “Why don’t you like Penn State?”
@livingboyinny.bsky.social: 😬
Me: “They have a bad history”
Jack: *shrugs*
Me: *exhales*

The interior of a nyc bus. There is a woman sitting in a seat and next to her a skeleton is looking out the window

These bus detours are *killing me*

I will never pivot to video

I had gone *so long* without knowing what Bari Weiss looked like you guys

Two men holding a cake that says “congrats on the sex”

Haven’t listened yet but from what you all are saying this seems to sum up the album

Choosing to ignore all weather forecasts next seek until thursday

Happy “I can finally wear my brown suede baseball cap that I bought in May” weather day to me

Anytime someone uses a double negative it takes all of my willpower to stop myself from saying “I’m not NOT licking toads”

This is such a compliment thank you so much (Joe also thought it was good not great fyi)

It was good. Not great or *earth shattering* but good

Setting aside the fact that this is completely and utterly insane, didn’t he say this before? Like a couple of months ago