Makeout Creek

Why am I so unlovable. Why is everything I do so fucking stupid. Why can't I just be less broken and happy. Why can't I keep people in my life.

If the end all be all is to have died meaning something to the world
Then the world doesn't deserve me, as I meant something long before and long after I am gone

Why do I grieve a future that never lived at all
I think i can live multiple lives
But my life is here
Now

I love because I am
I care because I am
And when I am, I know I will do all I can to achieve a life that means something to me, and me alone

I just want one day were it's easy

Why is just always a constant battle to choose to live

The village did Drown
But you and the villagers had made way long ago
And I screamed into the night, letting the tears add to the flood that was caused by my own negligence of life (4)

Your patience grew thin, your internal power was prouder
And I reigned over smaller and smaller pieces, saying they would drown all the same
Drown of despair
Drown of pain
Drown of lost succession that never was tried for anyways

And yet I fought and fought
Saying that doom spelled our village
And a time would come when Id not exist on this earth (2)

You would fight the world for me
But I controlled only a small portion of it all
I begged and screamed and pleaded with the skies above and the oceans below,
Foreshadowing a fall that you said time and time again would not come. (1)

Can a puppet pull its strings?
Can a song sing it's story?
I want to be all ill ever be here and now
So I don't have to learn when my life is wasted away
2 steps forward, but I want to go back. (4)

But is as so often asked, does a tree make noise when no one is there to see it?
What is my state of being when no one is around?
What am I to the world, if I try and contain that love and ideas for myself (3)

Am I existing only because I've been molded?
First from cells, than from a person's idealized version of me
Your perception of me is how I exist
A concoction of friends, lovers, family, and strangers (2)

Being perceived for me is a constant play
One which i must perform for you
Display my talents,
And when the curtains fall,
I am nothing more than the last hours enjoyment, a period of time you'll seen forget. (1)

Keeping it real for a second, I really hope no one asks about my scars at work :/

I'm a cutting board,
I'm the blade
I'm the show on broadway
But I've exited backstage

Please don't worry, I've never existed
And the visibility in my eyes is not so great
Let us both wonder, if im a phantom pain,
Thats just about gone (2)

I think the words to describe, the feelings I feel, will be lost to the black hole that sits in the center of our galaxy
And when the stars fade away
And the sun swallows our world
Maybe then I'll know what it all means
But tonight the haze falls again
And the coolness of the air cuts me to ribbons

Please make me dance, oh how I long for the ball
Or please cut my strings, so I can be the husk I've always been
Snip
Snip
Snip
Or so the story goes. (3)

Maybe there was a point in which I tried to be different.
I wore expensive clothes.
I made expensive friends.
I carried expensive hobbies.
But towards it all, I still was your puppet (2)

If i could cut myself open there wouldn't be much to see
All i ever am, and ever was, is a figment of perception, made up of your moods on the day to day
And my past is my present, my present my future, and the world keeps spinning because Ill be the same

So another day is here, and another day will go.
But maybe tommorows tommorow will forge me a path that gives me a meaning past, "i guess not today." (4)

I can't explain it, but I've made it my life's mission to acknowledge the hurt.
And to show that I might be possible of change if I can push past the wants of heaven itself. (3)

Why do the pills in my mouth not dissolve fast enough.
Why does the cold in the night not freeze my aching heart.
Why does the tears in my skin not bear the tired worn soul. (2)

Time is reflective of the healing you've faced, and the trauma you carry.
Then why is it now that I've made it my mission to blow it all away? (1)

Was I born burnt? Or too watered down?
The properties seem to never settle right.
Im a hazed imagine.
Im to blurry to see.
I have to look away before I'm gone in an instant.

GOD PLEASE LET ME GO
IVE STAYED TOO LONG

I turned right away, the cycle continues.

I wake up on a cycle
Get up, go pee, gone to bed.

Night after night,
Dream after dream.

But the night mirror so calls me,
To reflect on my proportions
I yank and pull, at the molded clay. (1)

Your love knows no barrier.
Mine creates walls. (3)

Yet,
You, who was the sun and moon
Who layed down your life
I sliced all the same
Because soldiers who die together,
Stay together,right?
But you rose on the third day.
And i couldn't be prouder.
Because your afterlife should be better than the purgatory I place myself in. (2)

Laying myself out, was a means to end all
And I'm not one to praise myself after
Death upon death
Slice upon slice
Butterfly turned back to its cocoon,
Because even it's infancy would be too easy a life (1)