@alanmachnik.bsky.social
Engineering Director. Comedy Writer. Husband. Father. 70% bacon, 40% bad at arithmetic. Once fired from Ann Summers for getting Chas and Dave to do a stock take...
I've discovered that standing naked at your window helps to deter Trick or Treaters.
No, wait...here's two dressed as Policemen.
My addiction to Baby Powder has gotten so bad that I have to attend regular meetings of Talcoholics Anonymous.
21.10.2025 14:32 β π 0 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0It seems reasonable that an Australian Taxi Driver's salary is a fared income.
20.10.2025 12:35 β π 0 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0
Saturday night π€π»π
27.09.2025 18:01 β π 2 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0If you don't want me to knock it over onto the floor don't write 'Tip Jar' on it.
14.09.2025 11:43 β π 1 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0I still can't believe they split and one of them became 50 Cent.
07.09.2025 10:44 β π 0 π 0 π¬ 1 π 0Our microwave is a real humdinger.
07.09.2025 10:19 β π 2 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0I feel like a million doll hairs.
07.09.2025 10:10 β π 0 π 0 π¬ 1 π 0
Scooby Doo's favourite takeaway...
07.09.2025 10:08 β π 3 π 1 π¬ 0 π 0My abacus has been broken on countless occasions.
06.09.2025 16:12 β π 1 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0
Pretty sure this is some sort of Hate Crime...
06.09.2025 13:13 β π 1 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0Kickstart
Terry & June
Airwolf
Prickpoul, surely...
31.08.2025 16:15 β π 2 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0Iβm a Hobophobe, I donβt like dogs that wait until tomorrow to see if they want to settle down.
31.08.2025 11:39 β π 0 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0
Son: Dad. Where does gammon come from?
Dad: There, son...
What's the most dangerous dessert in the world?
Russian Roulade.
The most dangerous drink I ever had was a Hand Grenadine.
23.08.2025 19:56 β π 1 π 0 π¬ 1 π 0Today I bought a Cool Dry Place, but I've no idea where to keep it.
22.08.2025 18:13 β π 1 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0I bought some REM polish for my front door. I've now got a shiny, happy peephole.
21.08.2025 13:05 β π 3 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0
I'll be honest, I really wish this was a Scottish Refrigeration business...
12.08.2025 20:11 β π 1 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0Who called them 'Ghost Stories', and not 'Seance Fiction'?
11.08.2025 08:52 β π 1 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0Who called it 'a dead parrot' and not 'a polygon'?
10.08.2025 09:04 β π 0 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0
My conspiracy theory for today is that a Freddo bar used to look like Jabba the Hutt, but now they look like Han Solo in Carbonite...
09.08.2025 14:41 β π 1 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0ππ€πΌ
09.08.2025 12:55 β π 1 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0Say what you will about life, but at the end of the day, itβs night.
07.08.2025 22:48 β π 31 π 7 π¬ 0 π 0The most agreeable former King was William the Concurrer.
09.08.2025 08:11 β π 16 π 2 π¬ 3 π 0Thanks to those who attended my Learn Computing Skills with Breakfast course ahead of tonight's Oasis gig. For those who missed out, you got a roll with IT.
08.08.2025 13:54 β π 0 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0Today's Computing Course was too short. It was over before I knew IT.
08.08.2025 13:18 β π 1 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0My new Wombles Pepper Mill is crap. Everything that comes out of it is either over-ground or under-ground.
03.08.2025 11:13 β π 3 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0Who called it 'monkey shit' and not 'Rhesus faeces'?
03.08.2025 06:44 β π 0 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0
