Jordan

a portrait of David Attenborough staring at me, promoting his exhibition at the museum. he is 99 years old. the thing was very good and i enjoyed it thoroughly.

i have attended and paid my respects at church today (depicted). i have also been damned to find that chappell roan is performing a short train ride away but i am one ga ticket too late. life is peculiar; lush with joy, pain, and contradiction. forbidden door on ppv sunday.

monarda didyma, chomped to the ground by a rabbit, now thinking its ok to bloom even though its only like three inches tall, the insolent little shit

i have caged in the flowers after this springs rabbit plague and heres the only beebalm with any will to live: puny and pathetic with a shit-ass bloom. thankfully for next season i have killed and eaten all the nearby rabbits, weird face tentacles and all

im holding out a rain lily for zane to smell because its 5am and you gotta have a little boost

hollerin with the world championship

lots of bracelets from the meet and greet and the championship

my family.

thank you for everything. i dont have the words to do the feeling justice because i havent slept in four days but ill try to find them by wednesday

a bottlebrush buckeye and its in bloom. thank god no rabbits have tried to eat this thing because they ate all my other flowers im still mad about it.

a butterfly or a moth on the buckeye flowers, i don’t know which one it is and guess what im not gonna look it up im just gonna hold onto the memories of it fluttering about and having a great time

look at this handsome son of a bitch, the bottlebrush buckeye. you get a fork and knife and eat this whole thing and itll kill you to death. also, a lil skipper. enjoy.

YouTube video by All Elite Wrestling Hangman Page introduces himself (in Spanish) to Arena Mexico | AEW Grand Slam Mexico, 6/18/25

look i got no jokes or rhododendrons for you dumbasses today, just wanted to say it was an honor for all of us to perform in arena mexico last night. it felt special. thanks, goodbye

youtu.be/H84MyRfKzK0?...

oakleaf hydrangea with no will to live whatsoever, shit is just drooping and pathetic, blooms all browned up and stupid

ok why do all these oakleaf hydrangeas keep just absolutely GIVING UP, is it because the ground is too WET and their WEAK and SICKLY little roots are ROTTEN?! i thought i was gonna be living in a little bee-buzzing eden but instead ive just got DEAD TWIGS poking out the ground

happy pride month, i would show you a pic of a rainbow of flower blooms but some asshole rabbit chomped them all down in one night so now i dont know what to do. will the bee balm come back? should i eat the rabbit? are all of lifes pursuits in vain?

photo of a big and tall saguaro cactus. it is not moving, it has been standing still for like a hundred years. it is also not speaking. it is a cactus.

now this is the kinda shit im talkin about. saguaro cactus. hell yeah. these bad boys can sequester the carbon equivalent of 40 gallons of gas, not releasing carbon back into the atmosphere during decomposition but interacting with the soil to create the mineral calcium carbonate(just a fuckin rock)

yellow flower of a st johns wort in the foreground, hat-wearing graying-bearded man in the background (its me i am the man in the background)

st johns worts are in bloom, apparently they can be used as an antidepressant and muscle relaxer but if you think im eating a flower you guys have fucking lost it

proud little fern of an unknown type, showing off after laying around and not doing shit all winter

well well well look who it is, the lazy ass ferns that just laid browned and flaccid on the ground all winter wanna get all high and mighty now that its a little warmer outside. i wont forget your true nature now that youre standing erect you little shits

photo of a piedmont azalea, but you can’t even really see it cause it’s DARK AS SHIT outside because it’s the MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT what do you think im like some kind of night gardener or something

hey look you dumbasses want more pictures of plants well fine have at it, it’s only 930 at night or something sure im not busy, here’s a piedmont azalea. good for pollinators and smells like honeysuckle or whatever. piss off

pink flowering dogwood, baby hand

THIS SATURDAY 03/29!
AEW Collision
Milwaukee, WI
LIVE at 8ET / 7CT on TNT + Max

'Switchblade' Jay White vs Kevin Knight

One of the original Collision Cowboys JAY WHITE has laid out an open challenge and Kevin Knight will answer LIVE on TNT + Max THIS SATURDAY!

a photo of some phlox stolonifera, i know that’s what it’s called because i googled it to make sure. pink flowers on it, it’s real nice.

look at this cute little bastard i planted this weekend. soon he and his 69 siblings will all grow together to form a flowering carpet thatll make the neighbors stop and go ‘hey would ya look at that, that’s nice huh? isnt that nice?’

look, its tuesday i am drunk on a plane and ill just say i guess if you had a time machine and steve mayles phone number you could put me in banjo kazooie but i wouldnt turn my nose up at burning down a little hut or planting some goldenrod in twooka-laylee. mileage may vary on this skeet

it’s a shirt but you can’t buy it anymore because the sale is over, done, finished, congrats if you got one it’s a collectors item for people who collect shirts

big thanks to all of you dumbasses who spent your hard-earned money on this shirt. im not usually one to brag but fuck you its the best selling shirt of the year*. planting 3 red twig dogwoods this weekend

*so far, will lose out to toni/mariah shirt id bet my left tit

promotional imagery for a shirt, hangman riding a horse in (presumably) assless chaps, featuring a cactus and desert and those rings around the head and arm holes

new clothing for the body

www.shopaew.com/catalog/prod...

bunch of stuff im gonna put in the ground

im gonna put so many plants into the ground

slick-ass salamander just creepin around

white-spotted slimy salamander, he is very slippery

let me make myself clear

dumbass english ivy resisting my persistent attempts at eradication

of all the loathsome beasts and foul flora that inhabit our world there is none i detest more than YOU, YOU SICK CREEPING SON OF A BITCH

plants are just like animals, except in the ways in which they are not.

i hope the next person they give half my moveset to is at least kinda cool

just some beautiful coneflower, miraculously in bloom even though it’s the winter time

damn it’s december and i just cant believe my coneflower are doing so good it truly is a christmas miracle

tall grass but its brown because it is almost winter.

tall grass thing. i dont know what it’s called. not supposed to cut it back until spring i dont remember why, why dont you just google it like a fucking normal person.

photo of a southern yeehaw mouth funky-foot frog

what tha frog

a pic of leaves on the ground.

“hey hangman you promised us pics of plants, this is just a bunch of leaves what gives?” newsflash dumbass, leaves IS plants. leaves provide winter shelter for insects like lightning bugs and butterflies, fertilize the soil, and are a pain in the ass to move anyway so just leave them where you can

look, i cannot make my inaturalist observations public because i have reason to believe there is a man who would track me down and stab me in the spine in my yard

will my death be bee-related or balm-related

if sowing bee balm seeds is a mid-life crisis i will die at 66. dynamite is on tonight.