Slippery Nips

i knew it was a mistake to take off my eclipse glasses

Keep renaming stuff after yourself, chud. It will be that much sweeter to peel it off when you're dead and gone.

I was considering whether to have a brownie after breakfast when I noticed this furry little reply from the universe

You say silicon, I say silicone

Stop you're gonna make me unload

Mmmm yeah group those fuckin utensils

Remember when all we had to post about was bacon, nachos, and gangbangs?

Saw one of those new maga street signs today. It said “slow children”

I think I wizzed where I was supposed to khalifa

The professional photographers on stage at rock concerts are just as distracting as phone screens in the audience. WTF is the point of either one??

I think I forgot how to post good

Remembering MN house speaker Melissa Hortman, her husband Mark and their beloved dog Gilbert. Murdered in June at their home by a rightwing Trump-voting evangelist, who also shot another MN lawmaker and his wife at THEIR home, 9 and 8 times, respectively (miraculously, they survived).

i would eat the rich, i would. honest. it’s just that they don’t fit my macros

Duo looking like he shouldn't have trusted that fart

I got promoted at work and I've never felt dumber

Not straight, not gay, but a secret third thing: unfuckable.

i fear my account was built over a haunted cemetery

Full disclosure… if your post is more than 3 lines, I am probably not reading it

Pretty close, but in the books there are glimmers of hope

America what are you doing and why is it nothing?

Audiobook added to my Sp*tify list! Will get to it after "Beyond Anxiety." Thanks

Today is a perfect day for Excedrin… and that meteor we were promised.

I finally got up the courage to come out of the closet. The homeowners were startled.

It’s Fuck it all Friday. So fuck me and fuck you too!

A Hero Patch, but one that goes directly on your brain