Rob Saunders

In the dentist waiting room, dental nurse comes in and says “Robert” - two old blokes both say “there’s two of us” and I chime in with “three” we all laugh. Britains BACK

I have constantly battled against Swiftie-mates who say she’s a genius and she doesn’t get into politics because she’s apolitical or whatever. Her lyrics are trash and so are seemingly all of her views. Vindicated

Dwayne Johnson’s new film sounds like Nigel Thornberry describing his new air fryer

I mean, call me a Loony Lefty if you want, but it *is* starting to look a bit weird arresting disabled pensioners protesting peacefully one day and telling coked up bellends attacking you to “calm down” another day the same month.

Obviously, just my opinion. I might have got it wrong.

Obviously getting this throughout the country at the moment but people who act oblivious to the George’s Cross having racist connotations are pissing me right off

some patients are going to die, and you have to find a way to accept that - it’s just part of being a really bad chiropractor

Not too late for Man Utd to play 433 but they won’t so will keep playing like this

Googling my ear infection and convincing myself I’m dying is not the most enjoyable thing to do on a Friday morning but someone’s got to do it

Napping for any period of time during the day means I am getting 4 hours of sleep. How do I stop this without medical/alcoholic intervention?

Tbf didn’t expect the full Truss meltdown/lobotomy. That one’s on me, will be more alert next time

What do you mean the owner of GB news is a massive racist and islamophobe????? What do you mean the Tory MP kicked out of the Labour Party for racism is racist and islamophobic???? WHERE WERE THE SIGNS

Martin Samuel is letting us know a bit too much about himself I think…

Do you prefer pancake or panbiscuit day I’m sorry I’m really tired and couldn’t make this any better

Have only seen a clip where he’s cornered by one of their anti vax demographic and he squirms like the worm he is. Worth a watch! 🙊

Sunak going on GB news for a safe Q and A and getting rinsed out. Thickest PM since the last one

I’d move Fritzl into a ‘Don’t Care Home’ @jonstewart @haveigotnewsforyou

Bristol been bigging up this festival in summer at Ashton Gate for last two weeks to announce Ne Yo is headlining with DJ Spoony doing a set before

Torn between buying an old PSP and realising it’s not gonna be as good as I remember or just leaving it and repeating this thought process in a month or so

I’ve just turned 30 and I already hate it. Please tell me it gets better.

Having my first husband moment in a while as Emma goes shopping for various clothes and I was standing around on my phone waiting for her to finish. ‘Go and grab a coffee’ - thank you, wife, will do wife.

Watched Brian and Charles last night. Have had it recorded for months but scared to watch it in case I didn’t like it. Thankfully I loved it and would recommend it to all x

Day two of the clocks being back and I’m already feeling incredibly unmotivated. How do I fix this

My love for my wife is immeasurable but time and other things out of your control are terrifying. She may get bored of my shit jokes

Now I’ve had a drink I can say that I hate when celeb couples get divorced: Dawn French and Lenny Henry was prime example even if it was 14 years ago. Makes me scared that love dies randomly and I am v fearful

Doesn’t want me to work, same here pal

We have an indoor/back garden only cat so he can’t even use that excuse. He is a large boy though, his paws put people off adopting him when he was a kitten, bless him

Convinced myself in summer that autumn and winter wouldn’t be thaaat bad. Lol

This squirrel occasionally breaks me when he comes up to check the suet cage and there’s none left. Today he is happy, it’s his freakin’ weekend too

My son has been on a diet for 6 months and gained .7kg just by existing. Lazy and doesn’t even know how to sit properly. V proud