Damn. This Pi day seems like it goes on forever.
I wonder how many of us would just simply flip the switch
If you could end your life by turning off a switch, would you do it? No pain or suffering, just over.
Librarian: “The book you reserved about clocks is in.”
Me: “It’s about time!”
Trump on gas prices
His mom really wanted to name him Leon, but she has dyslexia
And then Jesus said unto them, "I will only return if you start a huge war"
Hold up...I thought Diana Ross was the Supreme Leader?
Looks like the Board of Peace got bored of peace.
[Levis HQ]
BOSS: we need a new style of jeans
ME: *high and wasted* my time has come
i like
big butts
and i plead the fifth
You gotta to know when to hold her. Know when to fold her.
Now I have to take her to the chiropractor.
some of my skeets would be absolute bangers if all of you were as high as I was when I posted them
I just know it
An ICE hockey game, but with protesters vs. ICE agents.
7up is short for upupupupupupup
No Sauna For Old Men
FRENCH GUY: do you speak french
ME: no
FRENCH GUY: ah well c'est la vie
ME: la vie
[asphyxiating on toxic atmosphere as the last tree on earth drops its final leaf] save me Dow Jones
*pees*
*crawls into bed*
*spends half an hour winding down*
*is about to fall asleep*
*has to pee again*
ME: it’s not delivery it’s digiorno
HOSPITAL NURSE: um ok let’s get your wife to the digiorno room
Kid Rock was lip syncing like some kind of Hillbilli Vanilli
As a man, I believe we should only freak when froken to.
american cheese is just like regular cheese but it owns a gun
the only thing that can stop Mr Beast at this point is (eyes narrow) Mr Bwest
People think I'm clairvoyant, but the truth is, I'm just really, really farsighted
Weed is fiber, right? If so, then me too.
I bet those MAGA dads can't wait to tell their kids they are seeing Kid Rock's Halftime Show at their next supervised visitation.
felt cute, might get in a death cab later.
Someone said Kid Rock is just a trashier name for Epstein Island, and now I can't think of it any other way.
I'm so poor that when I showed up at the bank, their broke alarm went off.
