Grimm

I think the most important thing I have learned from NBA studio halftime shows is that I need at least half a regulation basketball court in my apartment.

I don't think they put enough antifreeze in this baja blast

This is simply one of the best pieces of political communications in history.

I feel like that bus would have stopped for me if I was pretty enough or had not been busy recreating Saturn Devouring His Son with an ice hockey helmet and a dressmaker's dummy.

I'm pretty late on this and most things but I am extremely conflicted by Hot Aunt May.

Is the perp walk on the left side of the road in the UK?

Chomsky and Elon can finally look each other in the eye

"Oh, c'mon, we have to separate certain transcendent artists from their blithe political triangulation."

American kids are getting scurvy and measles and eating dogfood in a TX concentration camp because their parents are brown and have a z in their name and Snoop helped make that happen. Eat shit.

Like I honestly don't know how you can be a normal person with a marginal grasp of anything going on in the country and have an amicable tv interaction with Snoop where you don't say "So why do you think it's okay to terrorize, torture and murder brown people everywhere, you daft complicit prick."

Oh that Snoop, he's a wacky lovable unimpeachable all-American personality and ambassador of our culture who also happens to have endorsed full-throated neo-nazism and the blanket destruction of civilization in favor of a fascist boot stomping on everyone's throat forever. SO CUTE.

I demand access to the flavonuclear codes.

YouTube video by Show Master Mermaid Mindy meets Neptune

BTW, anytime you call anyone beardyhead, the only acceptable way to depart from their company is to say "OK, Beardyhead, I love you buh-bye," and some of you know this as truth.

Some beardyheads might get up and arms for the phenomenal beardosity of your chosen beardalicious lifestyle but I assure you this is not a diss. Like it might be from someone. Just not me.

See, the ROOT of my theory is sound.

flavor blasted is no longer enough for me. i want flavor WASTED. flavor DECIMATED. flavor DESTROYED

I know there are guys with awesome beards who put a lot of work into them and you do that because you are committed to how lazy you are, is my way of thinking.

I just assume everyone with a beard and the quality of that beard is just proportionate degrees of me when I have a beard, which is fucking lazy.

J.I.B.C. is 19-years-old and has pending applications for Special Immigrant Juvenile status and asylum. (J.I.B.C. Decl. ¶ 1.) On January 13, 2026, he was leaving TMobile when another car struck his own. (Id. ¶¶ 3–4.) Agents surrounded him, opened the car doors, and wrenched him out. (Id. ¶ 4.) J.I.B.C. offered to show the agents his immigration documents, but the agents said they did not need to see them. (Id. ¶ 6.) When he pulled out his cell phone, the agents

threw him to the ground. (Id. ¶ 5.) The immigration documents were left inside his car. (Id. ¶ 6.) Several hours after arriving at Whipple, J.I.B.C. was allowed one phone call. (Id. ¶¶ 8, 12.) There was no privacy—it was a shared phone, located in a hallway between cells with agents nearby. (Id. ¶ 12.) J.I.B.C. told his girlfriend he had been detained; she said she would find a lawyer. (Id. ¶ 13.) Agents told J.I.B.C. to tell her that he was going to El Paso, Texas. (Id.) That day, J.I.B.C. was transferred to Texas. (Id. ¶ 15.) During his weeklong detention, he was allowed only two calls. (Id. ¶ 22.) Officers pressured people to sign voluntary self-deportation papers; many did. (Id. ¶ 23.) Agents told J.I.B.C. that he would be detained longer if he fought his case. (Id.)

ICE agents crashed directly into a 19-year-old refugee's car, pulled him out from the wreck, threw him on the ground, then rushed him off to detention before he could locate the immigration papers in his car that proved he's here lawfully. democracyforward.org/wp-content/u...

Establish dominance by asking other parents if they feed their kids wet or dry food

I've discussed the pros and cons of your proposal with my wife and the conclusion is that men are stupid and capybaras are cool

Hey, Riyadh Comedy Festival reunion. Will they be telling the same jokes, or do they have separate sets when they're being paid to whitewash crimes against humanity?

I'm giving up using turn signals for lent

Absolute shit-tons of people in the Midwest just not remotely getting the Progressive Insurance new-homeowners-turning-into-their-parents commercials.

Wherein my friend Sam does a meticulous breakdown of how everything went wrong and why the system that enabled the tsunami of wrong needs a good Genesis Device.

Think about all the cool shit we’d have if we weren’t ruled by joyless control freaks

My life isn’t falling apart, it’s just aggressively reorganizing itself without my permission.

This email could have been a nice stone tablet about the horrors of ancient aliens.

“…they don’t know why.”

It’s a complete fucking mystery isn’t it, bellends.

It should be the mission of every last person on this website to, in whatever small way you can, help destroy The New York Times and piss on the ashes.

Cop: Can you describe the man who stabbed you?

Me: He kept going like this [stabbing motion]