thank you
just know: i'm here, i see messages and comments - i wish i had time to respond to more but they mean a lot.
while i may show a continued absence, i want to return with something. when the time is right and i've had time to "learn to walk again"
in the meantime, let's keep going.
general update.
a lot of this year it's been a struggle to exist.
i feel in one way, my heart ripped out of my chest from betrayal - the other more relief than i ever felt in ages.
i know i can carry this into a tangible thing, but i cannot give it a timeframe, or what form or shape it'll be.
the 10 year anniversary of my album as hsiu was about a month ago - and strangely without me really realizing i had in mind to possibly release something new under the alias. we'll see.
gracias por escuchar 😸
added her in the best area in WA
de nada amigo 😸
with the songs made for "care", i was exploring that vulnerable place again. it still all feels like a long time ago, moreso like reflection. but it felt the most "personal" set of songs (particularly the first four) ive made in a long time.
if i do music itll very likely be related to this, i do have some creative drive in that respect.... its too warm where i live to think about it too much right now though.
its been the case for awhile but figure its fair to say - im on an indefinite hiatus while im sorting myself out with what i want to do creatively, + burnt out after game development stuff.
to which, realizing i never said so here, my games update is finished.
k7gendo.itch.io/ouka
open.spotify.com/album/4lvMRh...
"ascending" was sampled for the track "betrayal" on lucas pereyra's recent album "18", i really love how it came out & the album's great in general.
im sure ive expressed some extent of this but i do feel like im still exploring what my voice is creatively and its become more sympathetic for others vs myself, and im not sure where my own feelings really fall.
i wouldnt say i was a particularly great person back then but after experiencing ego death i think ive been able to be the best version of myself and let go of a lot, and when i think back i feel so detached like it was just a weird stupid dream.
there's still a weird part of me that has some extent of imposter syndrome that isnt exactly verbatim but rather me having been pretty young when i started maedasalt and i dont really feel like the same person, i wore my depression on my sleeve and that hasnt been me in years.
but anyway, if i go quiet in my creative spaces, i'll be back eventually.
in terms of how i'm doing, it's been quite stable. i've quit using pot and you wont get anything against it out of me and it wasnt really intentional anyway, but in retrospect i was reliant and i'll need to figure out a balance.
since i've been quiet lately, sort of a general update?
i go through phases of productive all the time and creative slumps, and i've been in the latter. the year had a somber start and i've dealt with some deaths that were expected but still a lot. just taking the time.
"mahika"
"guilt 2024"
"iceberg"
"with my reverie"
"ascending"
