Himal Mandalia

Standards Are Not Perfectionism Why standards are boundaries, and why pressure makes them brittle

Standards are not perfectionism.

They’re boundaries.

But under pressure they get reframed as “idealism.” Coping hardens into culture. Standards are sacrificed.

This piece ties together previous posts on noticing first, burnout, norms, regulation, effort vs capacity and progressive disclosure.

Little harbour ride. Then 30 hours back.

Last day in Wellington. Sydney tomorrow and then depart for London Thursday.

This trip has provided clarity and closure. Completion.

Life size lord of the rings cave troll with me standing in front

Trolling

Ah Wellington

Burnout and Disengagement Are Signals Why exhaustion and disengagement are signals, not failures

Burnout and disengagement aren’t individual failures. They’re signals of systems under strain.

When effort replaces capacity and responsibility is pushed down without authority, people adapt. Some burn out. Others disengage.

Until conditions change, transformation only reproduces the same risks.

They must be able to quote the agile manifesto in the original Klingon.

@sianmurrayhuynh.bsky.social is absolutely brilliant. Hire her.

Small island, water and coast with bench.

So restful here. Been almost two days and still haven’t gone into town.

Penguin road sign “at night” on street with houses.

Would love to see some

“Preconditions for transformation” is where I’m taking this series of posts, along with some loose diagnostics.

Yes, I like this a lot. Norms define the Overton Window of what change is possible. Many transformation efforts don’t try to shift it first, or even look at it.

Norms Before Transformation How “the way things are” quietly decides whether change is possible

Latest piece on systems, culture and sustainable change.

Before strategy or transformation, norms are already doing the real work. Not plans, programmes or tech.

What gets normalised decides what’s possible.

Norms are cultural infrastructure and preconditions for transformation.

Island Bay, Wellington, New Zealand. It’s good to be back.

Last day for #CampDigital early bird tickets. An amazing lineup, including: @rachelcoldicutt.bsky.social
@himal.bsky.social
@laurayarrow.bsky.social
@dasbarrett.bsky.social
@lisariemers.bsky.social
and of course @sharonodea.com returns with lightning talks

www.nexerdigital.com/camp-digital...

Echoes some of my recent writing on the cost of noticing first, change through progressive disclosure, boundaries, restraint and most importantly, self regulation to manage anxiety, impulsivity and accept what can be done now and what can't.
And of course, Boromir did not regulate.

Still looking for Content Designer and Graphic Designer (both unpaid volunteer, part-time, 4-6 hours, flexible).

Have lived experience of ADHD and want to work with a great team pushing for change in ADHD care?

Email: adhdpathfinding@googlegroups.com

Melbourne skyline from car back window

Goodbye Melbourne. Again. I thought I had unfinished business here but no, I already had closure on that chapter of my life. Instead some nice catch ups, excellent brunches and a massive chicken parma. Now Melbourne just becomes a lovely city to visit with some lovely people I know. That’s enough.

Progressive Disclosure Is Leadership Why timing, safety, and restraint matter more than brilliance

And if something must be done, then it’s better to do a little at a time and then walk away.

Regulation Before Rescue Why restraint, not heroics or rescue, sets the ceiling for sustainable change

Which is where restraint and moderation are important, and require regulation.

The Cost of Noticing First Why regulation determines whether early signals become insight or burnout

But it’s hard not to stop yourself when you’re wired and conditioned to notice gaps and compelled to fix.

Effort Is Not Capacity Why interest-driven nervous systems burn out in systems that confuse effort for capacity

Because I never want to slip back into or enable this.

How I Work What I’ve learned about authority, capability, and the conditions for meaningful change

A lot of the stuff I’ve been writing about recently is about modelling better behaviours and holding myself to account.

This isn’t entirely how I work. It’s how I WANT to work.

Watching myself work with boundaries, and I mean just the ones I set for myself. Like the hour in the mornings I set aside for admin and work stuff. And then that’s it. Nothing more for the rest of the day while I’m away. Doesn’t matter how “free” I am.

Clean separation and compartmentalisation.

But this is all because I can sit with my thoughts and feelings and there is nothing in the world, no interesting problem to solve or reward, that can beat that. Nothing that I’d want to take me away from myself. Connection with myself and others is all that matters. The rest is distraction.

Not needing to be useful or busy is the reason I can make better decisions now and notice small things I missed before. It’s also the reason that nothing overwhelms. I’m still doing bits of work while on this trip but with strict limits and there is no stress at all. Clear separation.

Before the extra time, energy, capacity would feel like big empty space that needed to be filled up. Now it doesn’t. This is where my life happens and I need it, so the bigger the better. There is no pre allocation. This kind of capacity for a regulated mind is the most precious thing in the world.

There’s slow day by day boundaries and recontracting work here. The easy part is that it is embodied: how does this interaction make you feel? Energised or drained. That tells you what to do. The hard part is the letting go of those who can’t meet you where you are.

But reclaiming energy matters.

This is everything from being the go to expert, to playing mentor or coach, or being the helper, the fixer. The container. The regulator. Sometimes you can make yourself a stimming device for others just to feel validated in your own existence if you can’t connect with yourself.

Something I’m increasingly reflecting on is the ways in which I substituted being needed/admired/respected/interesting etc for connection, because I couldn’t allow that. And now that I can, how hollow, transactional or one sided some relationships feel. Especially with those who also cannot connect.