Omnibus Out of Context

[For context, see Roderick on the Line — Ep. 79: We Are Not Snow Giants. From 56:20.]

I have a pretty long list of people that I want to bury in the desert in a shipping container where I subtly change the geometry of the walls every night when they’re asleep.

I know you guys all want to invade Poland — but… Three words: universal basic income.

You think you’d be a Grade-A Hitler. This is a clip no one will ever take out of context.

People that want coffee to taste good are missing the entire point of it. Coffee staves off death. And so it should taste a little like death to remind us of what is at stake here. You’re drinking this because every day it keeps you going one more day.

We always knew there would be a day that the siren song of Hollywood would carry Ken off to dash him on the rocks of big time showbiz and fame and money and decadence. Except Mormon decadence, which is like two jars of pickles.

K: We had a hoe for 2000 years.

J: Easy now, easy.

Continue to be in hell, the devil.

I want to hear Johnny Gilbert say, “And spouse in the house from Altoona, Pennsylvania…”

It’s not the gig economy, it’s the giggle economy.

J: Lately I've been going through a little bit of a weird phase with guitar pedals.

K: So unusual for a middle-aged guy.

I will be assigning a Mormon adjudicator to observe every show and report back to me on any violations of my own personal moral code.

Is it problematic or good allyship that she’s talking to African ghosts?

This is like the only conversation I ever have and it’s seven hours long because we do three shows at a time. This is like aversion therapy to having friends.

I don’t have the time or the money to try and rehabilitate a comedian.

J: I could go get the crowd noise from a Nuremberg rally, but that would be a bummer too.

K: Especially if you can hear the chants.

If you have an idea but not a puppet, you can be on Omnibus. If you have a puppet but not an idea you can also be on Omnibus. If you have a puppet and an idea, you are Jim Henson and are going to take over entertainment.

Hello, little Eiffel Towers. Are you having fun?

I’m so unaccustomed to anybody laughing at anything we say.

If you had to force me to give a hot take on the periodic table, I would say we could do better.

I slept with a stuffed D.B. Cooper as a baby.

The last thing you want to get is feedback, let me tell you.

Come over here and get some of my papa Romeo nectar.

Flying an airplane is pretty intuitive once you realize that your feet are involved.

You could send us something you took out of your dog’s excretory system. That’s the main thing we like.

You can still eat all the beef tallow you want. You could just also have science.

J: We’ll never know whether my grandfather had a mistress, because it’s intrinsic to having a mistress that you not record that anywhere.

K: That you make sure your eventual great-grandkids don’t know. It’s important. It’s the main thing I talk about with my mistress.

A small number of people do everything and then everybody else is farming sorghum.

Where would we be right now without the combined power of meth and gas?

Children everywhere love Drunk Bob. He brings them treats every spring.