a couple years ago i contracted with one of subway's ad agencies for a small rotating sandwiches collab that ultimately they decided not to publish and i never did anything with. today feels like a good day to post one of them. here's my favorite subway sandwich, the veggie delight

great day for the legal theory of "not guilty if it's funny enough"

NOT GUILTY BROTHER. Writing JURY NULLIFICATION with the mustard tonight 

THE DIRTY DOG. THE GREYHOUND.

We are so back

“You can have two flights, perhaps three or five, instead of 30 this year”

C-MAX is such a chad car, unfathomable masculine energy right there

This will be huge for housing supply (except for New Jersey)

I thought it was AI at first because of how fuckin weird the flags look. Nope, not computer slop, it’s analog trashy old man slop

All of the best food is beige and brown 🤌

Oh my god I just realized the new east wing is just going to be paper mache in its entirety

“We now resume live coverage from the New Jersey turnpike where an old man is crying while doing 40 in the left lane”

I hope things stay Obama (2008) and don’t get all Obama (2012)

Oh my god it was right after the chorus dropped too

I am pure of heart and mind. I have a clean conscience. I am morally uncompromised. I have never once been to California.

Big Herb doesnt want you to know this but you can reuse the same bay leaf for ever. Mine is five years old, it’s been in every kind of soup and it’ll be the one I pass along to my grand kids

Baseball would be so much better if they were all completely wasted. I want to see them try to hit that ball when they’re holding back nine coronas and a litre of piss. Bring back the Boggs thing

lol not bad. I was more curious about what kind of crazy bill a dealer service would stick you with ;)

How much does an oil change cost for a W12 👀

photo of six pumpkins carved into glowing jack-o'-lanterns, in front of a brick wall. a large pumpkin has the cow tools cow carved into it and another large pumpkin has the barn. in front of them are 4 small pumpkins, each carved with one of the cow tools on them. the lump pumpkin has no stem and the prongler pumpkin is laid sideways so that the stem lines up and forms the bottom half of the prongler, it's top half carved into the pumpkin.

happy halloween i am ready to confuse some trick-or-treaters

I think the bubble will pop at or around the time they IPO. They want to get every 401k and pension fund as a bag holder so the VCs can exit. I don’t know how many “missed earnings” it will take, but it will eventually “correct” down to the real value of OpenAI, which certainly isn’t 100B lmao

When I was a child my favourite toy was an old ball mouse that I whipped around by the cord like a flail. I really was doomed from the beginning. My parents should never have let me frolic with an ancient evil.

I will never forgive Disney for taking away Crazy Frog’s tiny little penis

I think we’ve got six months left, tops. OpenAI will do an IPO on the nasdaq, get every 401k and pension fund as a bag holder, then fucking implode the US economy and speed run the start of the Chinese Century

Some people really enjoy grepping logs, consensually ofc

They should get rid of all the airports and let us travel by dirigible again

Bring back the wagons!!!

The big providers themselves can blow up, but the actual protocols (not platforms) that make up the backbone (TCP/IP, BGP, DNS) were designed decades ago to be resilient AND decentralized. The problem is that businesses have been too reliant on the platforms and things got concentrated onto them

I denounce the decadence of the “buffet”
The people demand the traditional comfort of the “smorgasbord” that the bourgeois have taken away!

I’d really rather not, that sounds quite unpleasant tbh

I can’t wait to not vote for Susan again