Fly me to the poon? Jesus, Frank Sinatra was horny.
“What are you wearing?”
- Me, judging and not flirting.
Just add more butter.
Follow me for content that can only be described as “well-intentioned.” I’ll probably even follow you back!
An extremely low budget adult parody of Labyrinth called Hog of Eternal Stench.
There’s no such thing as stupid questions, only stupid people asking questions.
Is holding the door for strangers considered a kink?
Thank goodness.
Sand! In The Orifices
I’m at the beach.
It’s a weird one.
Oh this is getting weird. I’m glad it was only an hour flight.
Must’ve not been the right episode. Dammit. 😂
The guy next to me on this flight is watching Game of Thrones. Do they do anything other than kill each other?
“I like me.”
- Drunk me, flirting with myself.
Damn. I’m impressed, you even added lawn clippings!?
That sounds good too. I want a burger.
So much same. 😂
Sounds good though. I’m proud of us!
Just vegetables and raviolis because I really just wanted to go to Taco Bell but am trying to be an adult about it.
This email could’ve been an interpretive dance.
Unclutch my Eggo at once, you heathen!
Don’t you dare say “Happy Holidays” to me. I don’t mind the holidays part. I just refuse to accept your unsolicited happiness.
Help! I’ve fallen and I don’t want to get up.
You can be more than a 10?
Honestly, I’d be a little worried if the existential dread just wasn’t there all of a sudden.
Don’t forget to let the tea steep for 3-5 minutes and add a splash of milk before spilling.
Have you been asked to call him Long John Silver?
I feel like there could be more underlying issues.
