Kayla Chow Show

My coworkers have been discussing the variations of our dress code for the last 45 minutes and THAT my friends is why it’s very important to be back in the office. It’s much more productive than working from home.

Starting a small business is like eating ass. People slowly admit they’re into it and then one day everyone’s eating ass. Well hopefully 🤞

me: i will fuck you up.

also me: *blows a thousand kisses to my cat every hour.

I’ve never used a coaster on purpose.

Yelling “I guess I’ll go fuck myself” when no one blesses my sneeze.

My toddler talks a lot of shit for someone who poops their pants in the middle of the living room every day.

I was late clocking into work from home because I was playing laser tag with my cats.

It’s so windy today, a toupee just flew up my butt.

My favorite part of my husband doing home improvement projects is that he buys stuff from 3 different home improvement stores, mixes it all together, loses the receipts and then has to return half the stuff.

I hope this email finds you palms sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy, vomit on your sweater already, mom’s spaghetti.

Calling this month Feblueberry from now on.

What do you call a cup with bronchitis?

A coughy cup.

Packing 47 pairs of underwear for a 3 day vacation.

My passion project Pinky Promise House in Anoka, MN 🎀

I gotchu

If someone calls you fat, eat them.

Just once I’d like to blow my nose and see something cool like, A BRAND NEW CARRRR!

Work is boring today. I hope someone shits their pants.

This is the work of the devil.

My husband just slapped my ass and I farted. Just in case you’re looking for a glimpse into our marriage.

Of course 😭

My 3 year old said “good job, I’m proud of you” 🥹

What if the coffee grinder is silent and the beans are screaming?

Back in my day we went sledding downhill both ways.

“I’m hot and cold and sweaty.”

Shit my toddler says that gives me zero direction.

It’s like my therapist always says, that’ll be $175

I’m at an age where I notice a really nice tupperware.

I match energies, so if you fart, I fart.

Normalize not giving your heart to someone on Christmas. You need that heart bro.

If someone tells you to drive safe then that means they love you and you better drive safe you piece of shit.