There’s nothing like coming home from a long, hard day at work, and finding your mother-in-law’s vehicle parked outside.
I want to take a moment to thank Drew for taking an interest in my work and putting together such an excellent profile.
Most of what I do focuses on highlighting prominent figures and their statements, so being the subject of a profile is a new experience—and a meaningful one.
Can I ask, why do you have a cut off timeline? If I was working right now, this would be the first piece of art I'd have ever purchased. Your work is awesome!
Wow! That is a beautiful!
“It’s just a time out, you know.”
“I know.”
“It doesn’t mean that we’re cool.”
“I get it.”
“This is pretty tasty.”
“I know, right?”
ME: *flawlessly performs Kate Bush's iconic dance from her Wuthering Heights video
COP: Ok so now we'll do MY field sobriety test
1/2 🧵One thing I have seen happening more and more is accounts that are quite likely bots, or people with bad intentions, posting comments, trying to excite people into and clicking on, liking, commenting, or sharing a comment that suggests violence. DO. NOT. FALL. FOR. IT.
I'm still waiting.....
JD Vance: “Denmark has not done a good job keeping Greenland safe.”
The 150 victims of school shootings last year would like a word about being kept safe...
“Two members of Elon Musk’s DOGE team working at the Social Security Administration were secretly in touch with an advocacy group seeking to ‘overturn election results in certain states.’”
(reporting by @kyledcheney.bsky.social)
www.politico.com/news/2026/01...
I remember this interview. He was so ridiculous.
Hiring someone to cut my grapefruit wedges and tell me I’m pretty, serious inquiries only
I’m always curious that as humans why when we find something that tastes so badly we try our best to try to make it taste good and then try to convince others that it does and that they should eat it too?
I’m looking at you brussels sprouts.
You can pretend to have your shit together if you want. They don’t really check
“When I was your age, we didn’t have no pretty box filled with fancy-dancy, clumping, odor-eliminating, space-age kitty litter. We walked twelve miles, uphill, in the snow, to shit in a rotting old wooden bucket full of rusty razor blades, and we considered ourselves damn lucky.”
him: license and registration, please
me: *slides him fish*
him: ...
me: *slides him another fish*
him: have a good day, sir
David Attenborough [whispering]:
“Tamanduas distinguish themselves from all other anteaters by being the only genus that communicates exclusively through interpretive dance.”
Always read the fine print.
that’s one long mermaid
the muppet’s new year’s resolutions: thread
I'd like to wish you all the most truly satisfying feelings of false optimism, the strongest surges of righteous anger, and only the purest feelings of loathing and disgust, as we spend this new year hurtling together towards what we can only hope is profoundly glorious and spectacular destruction.
BECOME UNGOVERNABLE
Almost like the FIFA peace prize meant nothing
Not enough has been written about Schrödinger’s assistant, Otto.
I quit smoking thirteen years ago, but every once in a while, I still enjoy a camel while I’m driving.
It looks like I just have to accept that the 'nudist lifestyle' is not one I'm built for.
At least that's what my fellow passengers are telling me.
One day you’re young and wild, and then suddenly you catch yourself enjoying a reel of a guy on the beach finding stuff with a metal detector.
the fifth horseman of the apocalypse: stupidity
I was holding a bottle of Paul Newman salad dressing when my niece asked me who Paul Newman was. I told her he was an actor, basically the Brad Pitt of my mom's generation. Then she hit me with, "Who's Brad Pitt?"
If anyone needs me, I'll be at the senior center eating applesauce.
