Joe Morrison

Was surprised by Matthew McConaughey’s vocabulary, particularly his use of the term “mendacious” until I heard him use it again in two subsequent interviews. My man is stuck on mendacious.

humiliating, even in my dream

Two nights ago I realized I was dreaming and could control everything about my environment, but it still took me several attempts before I managed to fly

If you don’t have a full Allen wrench set, you haven’t known trouble

I’ve been thinking about this all day

When I replace the toilet paper in the bathroom only I use before it runs out

fishtopher walken

Girl, is your name Expelliarmus? Cause you have disarming charm…

When I drink, good things happen. For instance, I was badly hungover a few years ago, and an old friend came over to take care of me. It was miserable. A few days later, he met a woman. They’re getting married next month. I tipped the cosmic scales in his favor. I’m a hero, of sorts.

Feverishly searching for any minor setback in my life that I can turn into a self-aggrandizing post on LinkedIn

When I ask, “Got any loosies?” I’m asking if you have any loose extra strength lactaid pills on your person

Austin Nextdoor is so wild

Swag police, damn it

The swat police called, I’m headed to the station to turn myself in

Rented a book about private equity from the public library, I’m ngmi

Know I’m getting old because I go to bed earlier on the weekend than during the week

Bluesky reminds me a lot of Barton Springs. There’s a surprising mix of naked people and wholesome interactions between strangers

the man, the myth!

A witch/hag/crone triple threat

it’s good to reshuffle the deck

The safest way to trip

You seem to be fluent in English, which puts you in elite company

I have so thoroughly ruined my bluesky timeline by following anyone with a pulse that I fear I’ve dug a hole from which I may never return

Planning to tie one on tonight and just might get to skeetin

too many, I suspect

The ole razzle dazzle

Just walked by a crazy-eyed college kid in downtown Austin who was desperately asking her friend, “How many did I take?”

Proof that adding “geo” to something doesn’t always make it better

When we start running out of potable water, almonds will become a rare delicacy sold in little tins and they’ll be marketed as, “tree caviar”

Some are saying that