newaged

they have bubbles 😭😭

just got hit with the curse of 4 kids under the age of 10 with noise toys from the dentist at the walk in clinic, wish me luck

update about the family: almost $45 order, didn't tip a penny

visited my gf on a 13 hour shift to give her my charger and a little kiss, as I entered she was cursed with family of 8 talking over one another

nah, just thinking about it😮‍💨

saw a man, did a jig, don't talk to me

my gfs roommate is chewing tictacs like theyre skittles, im so glad she's graduating cuz apparently she'd been living with the devil for the past 3 years and we didn't know

gonna pull up to the function like a creeper (hiss for a little, blow up, then respawn and do it all again)

I haven't posted here in over two weeks, there's gotta be something in the thinkpan I'm missing

I liked this one, gold star

do you think they salt the holy water before they boil the hell outta it?

it didn't work, he's talked with her once more

will never forget when my gf looked at me the other day and went "you look like you're standing in line for a nirvana concert no one else knows about"

homies, is it gay to light your mortal enemies' cigarette with your magic fire powers?

could never be me

fell outside of dollar general, but I was the least embarrassing person there cuz someone else's card declined

then you know what it's like to chew 5 hour footlong

tempted a coworker with mead to keep him away from his skank ex

I've been chilling with only one shoe on for the past hour now, just thought yall would wanna know

henceforth my child, get comedically high in inappropriate places

no man can resist the fifth mambo

she Dome on my Fossil till I 40hp

just got a nosebleed and that shit was magenta, I gotta be careful or that black and white teddy bear is gonna lock me up

gonna cast a Pharoah Curse on the mfer that almost cut me off back there, get sanded idiot

my gf keeps posting the funny things I say to her account so I just need to make sure I can take credit for my own funnies sometimes