Stella Jay

One of the worst things about me is my absolute certainty that I would've done well on Twitter in the early/mid 2010s.

Parallel parking should get you a MEDAL, honestly.

Well, presumably the AI cops "learned" using data from flesh-and-blood cops, so that tracks.

A black and white photo of the last bite of the biscuit pinched in Stella's left hand. Without color, the jam may be congealing blood. Happy Halloween.

i regret to inform you that they DO kind of taste like store bought biscuits.

A toasted hamburger bun, photographed from above, with homemade cherry jam on a maroon cloth napkin.

I have a fever and can't sleep. I bring you... biscuits and jam. 🥰

jk it's a toasted expired keto hamburger bun because i don't have sliced bread

#foodsky #food #breadsky #class #taste #tumblrmillennialhashtagusage

The guy on the elliptical trainer one over from me has a very deep voice and a quiet, villainous chuckle.

He's listening to a podcast and going 'muahahaha...' but he also looks so MIRTHFUL. Such a quiet, earnest villain.

Is this my new gym crush?

#fitness #runnersofbluesky

Cats are brilliant. 🖤

Tiny white cat mittens sit atop a blue paperback diary. Her black tail is curled on top of them, because she is a lady. A lady in a tuxedo and white gloves.

Chaplin is sitting on my diary and I kind of feel like I should move her because of exposure to bad vibes? Like she's going to get something akin to radiation poisoning via Bad Vibes osmosis?

#cat #catsofbluesky

#NOKINGS

New York City, NY

Miami!!! Woo hoo!

Times Square

What's the opposite of death by a thousand cuts? Life by a thousand stitches?

I'm "on" Bluesky the way that I am "inside" the hall closet when I periodically open the door, scream over the threshold, and then shut it.

The US Postal Service, not the band! Not the band!!!

"send skeet" is also a sex crime one might commit with the help of the postal service

There's Something About Mary and Galaxy Quest are the two best comedies send skeet

Respectful Jogger Yells ‘Move Or I Could Kill You’ As They Run Past

Respectful Jogger Yells ‘Move Or I Could Kill You’ As They Run Past

Cannot believe Gen Z settled on 'sewer slide' and 'unalive yourself' when 'krill yourself' was right fucking there.

Men like to belittle women for their fitness accessories, but there's a man at the gym wearing a MAGA cap on the elliptical trainer. Indoors. While it is pouring rain outside. Two hours before sunrise.

Novel's going well. #amwriting #writingcommunity #hangmen

So embarrassing that Abraham Lincoln was murdered by a theatre kid

“No one man can terrorize a whole nation, unless we are all his accomplices.” -Edward R. Murrow

Incidentally, "WooHoo into the void" would have made a killer Sims bumper sticker.

aS a LeO, I have no choice but to scream into the void, so I think the compromise goal should be to make it more of a "woohoo!!!" scream into the void rather than an "OH GOD HELP!" scream into the void.

A rollercoaster scream, not a The Scream scream.

2010s media was all about teaching men that the manic pixie dream girl is, in fact, a manic depressive pixie dream girl.

I think it was Lindsay Nikole who had a mentor tell her, when asked what she should do if a black mamba bit her, that the only thing to do is call her family to say goodbye.

give this lady a sock and a piano accompaniment and she would tear the party UP

A Facebook comment that says: "One of my favorite things about you as a student was your keen (and often dark) sense of humor. Your AP Lit satire video was 💯🔥💀"

My high school English teacher just told me this, which is very kind, BUT WHAT WAS IN MY AP LIT SATIRE VIDEO 13 YEARS AGO??? 😭 I have no memory of it!

A pencil doodle of Beanjamin Barker, my Focus Friend Siamese Kitt-ney Bean, with Tim Burton's Sweeney Todd hair and under eye bags. He holds a razor in one paw.

Focus Friend fan art doodled in a moving vehicle. He has no clothing, because to clothe the Bean is to acknowledge his nakedness. You know, the thing that got Adam and Eve cast out of Eden.

@hankgreen.bsky.social I love the skins. Please let us accessorize the Bean.

#focusfriend #sweeneytodd

It was a machine, she realized. A thing of rock, metal, and glass. Its head was so meticulously sculpted from rainforest brown marble that it appeared to be covered in soft fur, set with piercing stained glass eyes, its jaw slack, bottom lips pulled back from its white fangs as if it were vocalizing. Gears glinted deep inside its open mouth. The expression wasn’t one of aggression—it wasn’t snarling-- but of such intense scrutiny as to be frightening. Few animals wanted an apex predator looking at them with such rapt attention. The mechanical angel bore four blown glass wings set with pigeon-blue feathers. The upper set of wings were held open, touching the wall on either side of the stairs. The lower wings drooped as if with fatigue, dragging on the floor. One outstretched paw held a shepherd’s crook. Gold tipped its fur, its claws, and its erect ears. Sierra crept closer, nosiness having once again defeated nausea. She watched its face for signs of awareness, but proximity shattered the illusion: its flame-and-glass stare was a hollow, stupid thing that did not follow her. The headache and the thrumming in her chest worsened as she grew nearer, near enough to reach out and tug aside its silky white cloak. Under the cloak was a huge ribcage (human, she thought, because the shoulder blades were all wrong for a bear) made of rich white opal. Shining copper gears revolved where its guts should have been. In lieu of a heart there spun a cylinder bigger than her fist and riddled with pins. The clockwork angel had a music box for a heart. Somehow, this beautiful and terrifying automaton was the infrasound weapon making all the inaudible noise.

Sierra, sneaking downstairs in hell, finally confronts the thing emitting the inaudible deterrent: a bear-headed clockwork angel.

#wipsnips #speculativefiction #writesky #writingcommunity