Beauty Banks helps people across the UK who are in hygiene poverty. They need your help more than ever - any donations are very much appreciated. Thanks!
www.beautybanks.org.uk
Hotel F****** *******s is fully booked, so I thought I’d try this place.
#facupdraw #shutupandjustsaytheteams
Looking at the menswear sales, I do wonder how we ever used to get chores done before there were jackets specifically designed for the purpose.
Aw! That’s nice to know. Hope things are good with you.
#fpl #bench #fml
I'm starting a business offering breast screening and smear tests. It's not a big operation, really just a mam-and-pap store.
Semenyo, weeks 1-7: average 9.42 ppg.
Week 8 - I transfer in Semenyo.
Semenyo, week 8-11: average 2.25 ppg.
I can only apologise to Semeyo owners. #fpl #fantasypremierleague
1. Sky commentator: So, pundit, who's your player of the match?
2. Camera cuts to pundit's choice for player of the match.
3. Pundit reveals identity of player of the match.
You'd think after all these years they'd've learned to do 2 and 3 the other way round.
Fans of my old radio show ONE will be delighted to learn that some sketches by me and @danielmaier.bsky.social from that brilliant comedy series are reprinted in this charming book.
Sorry, the BBC, Munoz has *what* himself into Crystal Palace’s history books?
Don’t belatedly catch up on White Lotus AND Alien: Earth with subtitles unless you *really* like things ‘chittering’.
Bit tasteless trailing the next part in the corner like this. Still, I’m guessing: drowning.
Particularly at village fêtes.
I’ll tell you what happens far more for dramatic purposes in films than it ever does in real life: cars backfiring.
Fab. That I would love to see.
I'm both disappointed and relieved that Lester, as it turns out, doesn't want to come in in a hurry with the beer.
With a heavy heart, we've taken the decision to close our boutique clothing business after 13 wonderful years of you never having heard of us. As a thank you to our pretend loyal customers, there's 30% off all our fake stock. We leave you with an AI photo of our storefront. Thank you. #heavyheart
Faces of the funny. Comedy writer @danielmaier.bsky.social (Harry Hill, Charlie Brooker etc) shares the sketches and stories waiting to be snapped up by producers and publishers... and this is what the performers look like. Check out how they sound: offcutsdrawer.com/dan-maier
Sensational metaphor-crunching from football finance Kieran Maguire on the BBC sport pages:
"Maguire added: "I think people are joining the dots and perhaps making two plus two equals five in terms of, is this a 'you scratching my back? I'll scratch yours' type of situation."
I enjoyed sharing my brainspew on Laura's podcast - as reffed herein. Check it out!
This was fun!
Not a ton.
#nufcrounduppalindromes Ho! Ekitike on radar? No Ekitike. Oh.
I’m sure I’m the millionth to say it, but I’ve just realised that watching this is the equivalent of it being around the time of Live Aid day and watching footage of the VE Day celebrations. #liveaid
Crowd already drifting away from Neil
Young to try to see Charli XCX. #liveaid
Crosby, Pat from Ghosts and Mick McCarthy. #liveaid
Nice to see Aladdin Sane looking so well though. #liveaid
It was only a matter of time til Fucking Ray Cooper showed up. #liveaid
