Bran

Her comes all the buffalo sauce lobbyist in my mentions

Like what am I even eating? Also why is it neon red?

A hill I’ll die on: buffalo sauce is terrible, it’s so artificially flavored 😭

Feeling stra***t (eating a ground turkey bowl for lunch like a dog)

So anal about my PowerPoint formatting that I’m making a formatting guide for my team 🫠

If you recognize this room you’re gay

Got 5 hours of sleep but feel wired for work this is what dreams are made of

Just know you message me on basically any app or text me individually I will probably not reply, I have no idea how people keep up with inboxes on every app 😭

This is so white coded but I can’t explain it

I got promoted doing this but I was so delusional idk what was going on (I started new meds shortly after)

Brandon to brandon advice I needed this

This is how your email find me btw (my friends dog)

I wish there was an option to ask the barista for hot coffee, not boiling. I end up holding my coffee for 20 min before I can drink it and I’m so impatient so always burn myself 😩

At PT and he said 16 minutes of planks I’m about to end it all

Does anyone else feel like there’s never enough time in the day? Like I have no idea how to work, clean my house, workout, shower, run errands, cook, pay bills, do laundry, etc. and not be completely dead by the end of the day

In my doctors waiting room and listening to this white chick with dreds have the most racist conversation on the phone and I’m ready to fight her

Just saw this chick order two pup cups for herself at Starbucks and I’m debating if I need to call the cops (but I won’t because ACAB)

How do I get PowerPoint to stop opening 200 files I didn’t ask them to open every time I start the application? How is Microsoft so bad at the ONLY thing they do

Genuinely don’t know how people have time to work, clean, cook, see friends, workout, and relax - I feel like I’m doing “chores” or required things up until I go to bed EVERY night

Meal prep I made a few days ago is already giving me the chicken ick I hate being healthy 😭😭

Paula Dean’s hotter, younger, Canadian cousin:

Im shy

Need to have a Zohran Mamdani look alike contest in my bedroom tonight

You haven’t proposed to me yet, I’m a Christian (atheist)

Can you stop having such a good jacket game I’m getting annoyed (help me)

What I mean is I don’t get awkward or uncomfortable so I’m always acting sillier than what’s socially appropriate but I don’t realize it until after I leave

Keep remembering how I met Chris Columbus last weekend (we sat next to each other at a catholic wedding service and shook each others hands to pass peace) (he directed home alone 1-2 and Harry Potter (1-2) among other things)

I have to get more drunk

It’s funny that gays are stereotypical bad at driving because I haven’t driven in like 4 years

Local man dies from lack of hole (in a journalistic way)