Scott Carpenter

Big weekend. Book two, The Iron Abyssus, is in the bag. Good fixes on my opening to book three, Purification. (I shouldn’t call it a prologue. That’s not really what it is.) Started the planning and outlining stages of The Child Eater. It’s going to be absolutely gruesome.

When this is all over every ICE agent who abused their power autos be prosecuted. Upon conviction they should be held in a prison off of US soil and never allowed back.

He’s testing boundaries. And he’s getting a lot of reinforcement from people backing down.

Love Cedar Point. America’s Roller Coast!

Ivan Pavlov walks into a bar and orders a beer. Just as the bartender sets the beer in front of him the phone rings. Pavlov says, “Fuck! I forgot to feed the dogs!”

The last time I saw such moving and patriotic tributes such as the Right’s honoring of Charlie Kirk was when I witnessed the changing of the guard at The Tomb of the Unknown Podcaster.

Killing Charlie Kirk lends him credibility that he just didn’t have. As if his ideas were correct and he had to be silenced. Don’t forget the last question he answered. How many trans mass shooters have there been? His answer - too many. Glib and disingenuous.

And they clapped like barking seals.

I’ve been told by eighteen different people now, in person or through email/social media, that I am their favorite author. It’s an awesome compliment and I am floored by it every time, but I don’t really know how to handle it. I’m not used to be in anyone’s favorite anything.

IT’S PROBABLY A FACT!

Due to the Mandela Effect there are people who believe that I have been posting a daily feature on social media called “IT’S PROBABLY A FACT!,” but this is not true. It never happened. They are confused and simply misremembering the old PSA ads for The More You Know.

IT’S PROBABLY A FACT!

In order to stop any confusion when dressing for marches and other events, the Ku Klux Klan uses a system based on Garanimals to make it harder for them to mismatch the hoods to the robes. The inner tag on each item has a picture of a cartoon polar bear. It’s almost foolproof.

IT’S PROBABLY A FACT!

When Nazi Germany fell, Dr. Josef Mengele escaped to South America. While in hiding he couldn’t practice medicine, so he made ends meet freelancing for American advertising agencies, launching concepts such as Twix, Little Caesar’s Pizza Pizza, and the Double Mint Twins.

IT’S PROBABLY A FACT!

Famed NFL coach John Madden was featured in an unaired pilot episode of Queer Eye For The Straight Guy, but things didn’t go well. Original cast member Dorian Fierce blamed his nervous breakdown and subsequent resignation on Madden’s total inability to “queer it up” for TV.

IT’S PROBABLY A FACT!

Brothers Ray and Dave Davies feuded for decades, over everything from personal slights, to who created the guitar sound on You Really Got Me, always trying to publicly embarrass each other in the press. It is the longest incidence of Kink shaming in the history of UK media.

IT’S PROBABLY A FACT!

In 1984, so-called subway vigilante Bernhard Goetz shot four black teenagers on a train over an argument about Campbell’s Chunky soup. Firmly on the side of Fork, Goetz was not about to tolerate any of their Spoon nonsense.

IT’S PROBABLY A FACT!

Ravaged by diabetes, American saxophonist Boots Randolph, ironically enough, had to have his feet amputated just months before his death in 2007.

IT’S PROBABLY A FACT!

On its face, the most bigoted sounding sports organization ever was the Smear The Queer Negro Leagues, but in actuality, for a league existing between 1922 to 1951, they were incredibly enlightened. Eventually, the white league was integrated and the sport was renamed Rugby.

IT’S PROBABLY A FACT!

In 1943, C minus med student Dr. Axel Drumpf, Josef Mengele’s top assistant at Auschwitz, performed the first successful appendix transplant. Mengele approved, pleased with the needless cruelty, but it was actually only done because Drumpf was kind of stupid.

IT’S PROBABLY A FACT!

Colon cancer screening company Cologuard hosts the least popular unboxing channel on YouTube.

IT’S PROBABLY A FACT!

In 1973, in order to break typecasting and further her acting career, Janice Miner, who played Madge in the Palmolive dish washing liquid commercials, considered starring in a pornographic film, tentatively titled “You’re Soaking In It.”

IT’S PROBABLY A FACT!

Before his big acting break as Tattoo on Fantasy Island, Herve Villechaize was a professional wrestler in France under the name Petite Merde Vicieuse. With his special finishing move “La Morsure du Testicule Volant” he defeated men many times his size.

IT’S PROBABLY A FACT!

The biblical Rapture, some theologians believe, already happened in 1986. Both people deemed good enough to go to Heaven have been gone a long time. The rest of us should probably just relax now and treat each other better.

IT’S PROBABLY A FACT!

People are often disturbed in knowing that serial murderer John Wayne Gacy portrayed a clown named Pogo, even in the midst of his killings. They’d be even more disturbed if they knew that ALL clowns only wear makeup because they are wanted for violent crimes. ALL. OF. THEM.

IT’S PROBABLY A FACT!

Before deciding on the brand name Viagra, the drug Sildenafil was briefly test marketed as Boner-iffic.

Interesting ay?

IT’S PROBABLY A FACT!

Always obsessed with the bizarre and macabre facets of Americana, Stephen King’s childhood ambition was to grow up and become a carnival geek. Hopelessly normal, he never graduated beyond biting the heads off of Easter Peeps.

IT’S PROBABLY A FACT!

Stephen King has been the inspiration for many budding horror authors. Those who can tap into the fears of those around them often find regional success, such as Arlen McBiddle, known as ‘the Stephen King of Harrison, Arkansas,’ author of “Black Guy On Your Street.”

IT’S PROBABLY A FACT!

Inexplicably, none of the Italian Westerns that Stephen King starred in during the late 70s and early 80s are listed under the acting credits on his IMDb page.

IT’S PROBABLY A FACT!

In college, Stephen King and Ted Danson were in a psychedelic garage rock band called The Shark Tooth Groove. In 1969, they pressed 500 copies of their single, “Gravitational Constant.” It made a minor splash in college radio, but they broke up to pursue their educations.