Zandi Dandizette

It's not drama when it's abuse of power. It's misuse of authority and a lack of psychological safety. Let's call it what it is and not minimize it.

It's one of those things where a role is so uniquely suited to my skillsets and experience...I am like was this container made for me? *Insert anime guy looking at butterfly meme*

It's also so painful to witness incredible people be reprimanded or their value be wasted when they're trying to guess the system they're supposed to be working in. Or that it only lives in one person's head and flip flops based on that person's switch up. A power imbalance.

I think this is a bizarrely me trait, but maybe has to do with my own need to have a clear understanding or place I can independently seek information.

I have a new contract coming up, and when looking through the responsibilities I noticed in the second half I am going to be updating the onboarding documents. Literally every time I am involved in a new org that's what I AM SO EXCITED to do. 🤣 I have created multiple handbooks when none existed.

I hope that I wrapped up the curse with "everything comes in threes" and I don't have any more of this nonsense cause...holy cannoli.

It's like the mercury in retrograde on my banking, phone, and even a website I used months ago. All of them far superceded what a normal support rep could do because my accounts were glitched in ways they couldn't actually fix unless it was backend or multi-level escalated.

It's mundane, but I have had the most bizarre week with automated systems and online services. Minding my own business just living life normally... unbothered, moisturized, and staying in my lane not even using the systems to do anything and...not once, but 3x this week I've had to call in.

Something they do well in HSR is they set up systems for auto-battle or certain characters with speciality moves that help "skip" or speed up elements that could get really repetitive. Lots of ways to pick and choose what you spend time on. Including dialog skip + sumarry (not for me hehe).

Tell me what you think. 😶‍🌫️ First world is pretty basic conceptually, but I think it's cause they wanna build the concepts, tropes, universe starting closed and then layer. If I'd been introduced to it in the current world my brain would have imploded.

Story + universe gets brain breaking in penacony & amphoreus. 💕

Depends on what you're looking for in a game! I'd looove someone to talk about lore with 🥹 but it has pretty specific game mechanics re: turn based battling. altho they do have v good quality of life mechanics for repetitive features.

also nothing beats being able to take a game with you on your phone. 😅😝😜

how dare you call me out publicly for that 😭 but yes. I am gacha'd haha 🥹 that lore tho

🙈 Honkai star rail

I cried my eyes out at a video game for almost an hour yesterday. I knew what they were doing, and tried not to give in, but boy oh boy did they get me.

It's only a notion that one is radicalized because what has been normalized is not common decency.

I also I think in some ways they got too big to be collaborative and engaged in the same ways as when they started. So might have impacted the path they took too.

I was on their set in Chicago when they filmed VIP and noticed how collaborative they were. You could tell there was a flow w their pals. But honestly, I think the joking around & collaborating cut out the artistic vision where it all got muddled into meme core without any purpose.

was it all for naught

And it's like...anyone who knows me, would know that?

All that to say, I feel like I know these gaps, and actively work on them. But, damn, although beautiful in concept as I am generous and don't fall for fear-based propaganda because of it...there's also negative aspects of an instinctual gap.

B. I don't have the natural self-protection instincts to lie to people or play games for personal gain. I hardly ever remember to prioritize myself.

C. And unfortunately, I give too much information away about myself that people can craft compelling stories with real truths mixed in.

So it's extra wild when I hear these crafted stories about me.

Cause -

A. Even in my 30s & with all the lessons and heaviness of experience.... I'm still too naïve.

Although I confidently show up in protection or support of people other than myself. It's just when it comes to myself I struggle to recognize that need.

That's all to say, my basic understanding of boundaries and security is not intuitive. 🙃🤐

locked my bedroom door. Even my vulnerable, overly-honest, and direct way of communicating mirrors this gap in natural understanding.

I started to recognize that performing "having a fence" made people respect it or not take advantage of it.

It's influenced so many decisions in my life. I used to say hi to the strange guys in cars who was drive up to me as a teen. I never locked the door (even living in an apartment downtown). I never had a phone or laptop password until it was required. I lived in a public space for 8.5 yrs and never

one odd gap in my general way of moving about the world is I seem to lack the self-protection basics most people's brains jump to. Like now adays, I -perform- some of it through unnecessarily hard lessons, or as requisite. It's not a natural for me to be protective or prioritize security.

Excellence TM

omg ✨ that's the real joy