Simon King

If you’re pretending to be an “alpha male” and you’re threatened by DEI because it gives minorities and marginalized peoples a chance, you’re a scared bitch who can’t stand the idea of not having an unfair advantage.

You’re not an alpha, you’re a loser who’s scared of a fair fight.

That’s lovely! So glad to have helped even a little.

Sometimes I make things.

Robots.

Happy Valentine’s Day. Remember you need to prove your relationship with grand gestures because nothing says love more than gross consumption and trinkets to purchase affection from your partner.

Exactly haha.

This is a harsh lesson for the people of the United States and the world. Never forget that fanatics and the easily manipulated will show up in numbers. Take heed of this #canada when our federal election comes. #america #trump #unitedstates #election

Where abouts?

Hmm. I do like the hats with the pointy metal things.

Getting tired of these people.

I dunno who runs Bluesky but if they end up being a Nazi too then I’m outta ideas.

If you name your kid Elon, you get what you get.

Hello indeed.

Happy new year?

My stupid brain is being stupid again.

How much eggnog and bourbon is too much? Asking for a hangover.

Playing empty bars as a comic can be tons of fun and reminds me of the old days. There are still shows where you get 15 people in a 100 seater and tonight was one of those but I’m doing this show with my friends and the audience is great and this is a fucking wonderful night to be a comedian.

Am I sitting in front of the fire watching Stewart Lee, drinking really nice tequila with lime slurpee in it because I have no limes but I just finished a super fun gig running this new hour in the frozen North? Yes. Yes I am.

Luigi Mangione is the Christmas Ghost here to scare the shit out of greedy fucks so they change their ways.

I think we can all agree that during the time of the hit Luigi Magione was with everyone doing something completely unrelated to assassinating a CEO.

Yeah it’s getting rougher here. I miss what is was like before Covid but it’s become so exclusionary. Hopefully it’ll find its way but it may be time to go.

#vancouver is changing.

The facts, they burn!

This is an impression of Old Billy Red Tits.

Music is ageless. Performers not so much.

Do, ray, meme. #hiphop