Hey y'all, it'd mean a lot to me if you could share this #mutualaid #transmutualaid
gofund.me/e865302b4
okay i need to push myself away from any form of interaction again or else i'm gonna keep spiraling for the next 36 hours
and while that would be good in that it would drive everyone away from me out of self preservation, i also don't want to put you all through that
Just gotta remember to not join any servers again when I'm feeling better or I'll just be right back where I started.
Another positive from this particular depressive episode? I have left every single discord server I was in. At first it was "you don't deserve to interact with people" but eventually it was because I only ever lurk in servers and seeing all the notifications actively triggers my anxiety so badly
Self destructive, not in the sense that I'll kill myself, but in the sense that I need to destroy the self I was briefly hoping I could be for the sake of survival
Need to clarify: I don't know if I'm trans or not, but what matters is whatever version of myself that was happier? That is -not- going to ever happen, especially with how the world is now
I could envision a version of myself where I felt cute, happier, more true to myself and the fact is I know that I will never achieve that in any way, shape, or form profoundly devastates me. If I just ignore it and just deal with who and what I am and always will be, at least I could just function
I think when I eventually come out of this manic-depressive episode, there is one thing I will have to change going forward: I can't ever use that ghost-sona ever again.
It will sound stupid, but I had a moment where I could imagine a version of myself I didn't hate with that stupid ghost. (conti.)
She is also my -only- remaining family. Everyone I could be related to disowned or were disowned by my parents, so I got no one else in the entire world. When my mother goes, I have nobody.
And for however much longer I have her with me, I want to try to make the best of it.
Because, despite everything, I care about her and the thought of abandoning her makes me sick to my stomach and I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I did that. She lived a life of trauma and literal betrayal, but still struggled to do everything she could to raise me as best as she could.
yeah in case you were wondering why i'm constantly fucked up
her being "psychic" was the least scary thing she's said to me, even in just the last few months
This is the same woman who's pulled me aside at parties to tell me she wanted to kill herself. My mother has been talking to me for months about giving up, selling our house, and just becoming homeless. This woman told me the biggest regret in her life was having me because she couldnt paint anymore
turns out she was thinking of painting a scene that was similar to a movie that was on tv today, and I couldn't help but laugh when she built this up as a big scary thing
i need to break my vow of "never speak again" on here to share something that made me laugh:
my mother today comes to me and, very somberly, says "Blake, I don't want to scare you, but. . . "
"Yes, mom?"
"I'm psychic."
and i start to chuckle
boy howdy sure love when my mentalscape is a constant miasma of only the most self-destructive thoughts and impulses imaginable
yeah it's real bad this time
The LGBTQIA+ community was instrumental in turning the Triple Dipper into a viral meme and reinvigorating Chili's.
Goodbye forever, you baby back bigots.
I really can't understate just how much I love this ;w; Things have been very -not good- for me for a while now, but this is one of the few nice things I've been able to get in a while. Thank you again ;w;/
Big thanks to @thatonedudetoo.bsky.social for coming up with F'ia
if you want to help push back against debanking and censorship, you should leave a comment HERE for the Federal Reserve Board's proposal to prohibit banks from denying services based on "reputational risk"
additionally, contact your reps!
www.federalreserve.gov/apps/proposa...
Getting to feel hopeless w/ all the news and seeing so many ppl on here talking about 'what's the point of calling' and 'well everyone else is calling so *I* don't have to call' whenever this stuff happens.
Please take it seriously. Call paypros. Call your reps. We need help NOW.
We have to keep complaining:
stop-paypros.neocities.org
i hope so too ;w;
Never would have thought the "Don't break down in tears every night" challenge would be so hard but here we are
How I managed to miss one of my favorite pics of yours from twitter on here is beyond me, but I'm glad I finally got it :D
Hey, tgirls? on estrogen? you need to be aware that your soft, thin, delicate lady skin scars super easily, and since you're not actually a teenager anymore, those scars take longer to fade
so please, for your own sake, leave your goddamn zits alone. I don't care how bad they get on your period.
Really really love your expressions and how you do facial features in your work, very bold and delightfully expressive ^^
The director of Wild Rebels made a movie with one of the worst monster suits we’ve ever seen.
Let’s “Do The Jellyfish”— Sting of Death will be one of four movies riffed in The RiffTrax Experiments!
Support this on Kickstarter: rifftraxmakesmst3k.com
@mst3kofficial.bsky.social
i just found out im losing my job at the archive at the end of april. it really stings, I really, REALLY care about the work im doing. In any case, if anyone has leads about archival work, please get in touch, as I'm now back on the job market and its really tough out there.
Just take care of yourself Batta ;w;/
