Asstown Baker

A hand holding a card I made. It’s my hand. It involves heat embossing, stamping, die cutting and ink blending and the card says “I’m sorry”

When people don’t buy my cards at the craft fair I think “omg why don’t you love beauty?” I’m sorry you suck

This week I’m challenging you to like my skeets 😌

Color me Badd are pretty fruity but I ain’t mad like not at all

LOL. This Color Me Badd video was sooooooo fuckin’ scandalous in the 90’s omg I was one uncomfortable 11 year old

we settled on this shit app after the last shit app, I'll be damned if I move to another shit app

[sweating and panting] You guys I don’t know how much longer I can keep this spooky skeleton trapped inside me

if you’re charging $40 for your haunted house i better be able to fuck a ghost or at the very least make pottery with one.

I saw a dude today who had a braided beard and a huge gnarled walking stick and I think he that he was probably headed off to middle earth on a quest

I saw you liked my comment about farting on your face. My ring size is 5.

I want a 9-minute ballad about teaching Travis Kelce where the clit is

stop trying to gerrymander Asstown

You might be really high if you read your own post and wonder who is that funny motherfucker

The dick sucking factory is in crisis. The tariffs have made dicks twice as expensive to import. All the best dick suckers want a "living wage" nowadays and have quit to start cottage industry penis stimulation businesses. Congress promised a bailout but it went to the ass eating lobbies instead.

Ok I’m sorry but these fungus people are way scarier than the walking dead omg

Since every Republican in Congress is repeating their false talking point over & over that “Democrats want to shut down the govt to give free healthcare to illegal aliens,” it would be helpful if some Democrats in Congress could address that argument with facts at some point.

How many best couple friends end up being naked together oh wait did I just invent swinging?

Just another Monday for him

Kid Rock’s sex tape is just him making direct eye contact with the camera while driving a golf cart naked, farting, and shouting racial slurs

It’s so cool how I’m going to get everything done today

Let’s get down to brass tacks - who shit their pants?

If you don’t have a basic grasp of grade school science I’m sorrry but I view you as like an old timey ignorant alchemist turning lead into gold and shit get out of here with your jenky warlock shit

Y’all ever like to experiment with different laundry detergents to find the one that vibes with your stinky clothes demons the best?

I feel like I’ve randomly stepped in barf while I have been out and about more than your average person

A Polish stamp for 60 zł. Printed in bright red is a portrait of Engels and Marx side by side. At the bottom it says: 1820-1895 Fr. Engels, Karol Marks 1818-1883. 1848-WIOSNA LUDOW-1948

Got a bunch of cool stamps at an estate sale

Refusing to blow you because your alt text is isn’t descriptive enough for the critics on Bluesky

I miss my 50-year streak of not knowing who the Secretary of Health is or anything about them.

the invisible hand of the market keeps punching my dick

Serving cunt buffet style