Cirsine

Sometimes nature calls. and sometimes she's pounding at your door. and just when you think you're safe, she starts picking the lock.

Anyone else remember the episode of steven universe where garnet kept telling steven she was going to eat his dad? There was even a song in it. Did that plot point ever come up again

petition to have billy joel change "piano man" to "piano harmonica drum man" because thats the order they appear in the song

Blind Steely Dan: Ain't seen your picture

I could pound so many mini babybel cheeses as to confound doctors and priests alike

We can all agree that the best part of the bagel is the butthole, right?

If they ever invented a bed that always feels like how a bed feels when you need to wake up, it would mean the downfall of humanity

Had a dream that I was eating peaches with porky pig in an empty bank lobby while he did mushrooms. Then some cops rolled up and I was like "oh were fucked" and he was like "I call them coppuccinos. Just leave out the bathroom window" and I did and wasnt caught. He didnt leave though

I'm doing a Middle Earth: Shadow of War hardest difficulty playthrough, starting today. Catch me fighting lore-accurate uruk-hai at 6 pm EST at twitch.tv/cirsine!

getting to that part of the year where I miss bird calls. you know how it is

you dont know the muffin man like I do

Being groundhog day'd is my wildest fantasy. Unlimited time with no consequences to learn anything and everything, unlimited tries to get things right. Am I missing something?

Thank you tinnitus

All right, I'm on wheel of fortune and I'm buying my first vowel. Which one should it be, tinnitus?

What sort of pulpless moron gets a pizza without the bone

I'd like to order one large cheese pizza, please. Without the pulp, yeah.

Does anyone else not eat the bottom nipple of the banana

No new "of" things in a while. Cream of chicken, bird of paradise, call of duty, peace of mind; All of those are hall of fame "of"s. Need more of them.

Oooh straight up everyone needs to be watching Common Side Effects. Banger show

Much like a guy who is sexually attracted to triplets, comedy often comes in 3's

Is it possible to be /too/ good at games? /Too/ charming? Have biceps that /too/ large? We don't know, but I intend to find out.

I slept so hard that when I woke up this morning, my first thought was "wow, its been a while since I was this guy"

Why is no one donating to my charity, "white rap for turtles"?

If I have kids I hope they're twins so I can buy a trenchcoat and fake mustache and tell them to say shit like "one R rated movie ticket please!" or "ah, a long day of being an adult and doing a job deserves beers!"

French kissing is much more popular than antarctic kissing, which is when you touch eyes

I feverishly toss and turn in my sleep, mumbling and sweating profusely. This goes on for hours on end until you decide to wake me, to which I shoot up from my slumber and shout "WE'RE THE ARISTOCRATS"

Me, the strongest sibling

The greatest thing I've ever tasted will always be the most recent time I crammed a fistful of berries into my mouth

I'll beat anyone up

We out straight BARTing. Who up eatin they shorts