Aindreyas

After not opening up to my friends like I used to, I don't feel as down. Maybe it's because it stays fresh in my mind when I talk about it, instead of just ignoring it and burying it until later lmao

I still don't know how to think with dbt being over. Some may see it as just a class, but to me, it wasn't. To me, it was a close group of friends. To me, it was stability. To me, it was irreplaceable memories and experiences. To me, it was so much more that I can explain

That small bit that it feels acceptable is so nice for as long as it lasts, lol. I toss and turn so much that finding a spot is difficult while sleeping, so I don't end up being unable to get up stupidly

I know that all too well with my back. Laying down at all hurts like a mother fucker and it never feels better, just gets to where you tolerate it

Welp I've finished my dbt class. I'm honestly going to miss it. Hearing everyone laugh, knowing I could make people laugh even after going over their week and feeling down. Hanging up my completion certificate and the tassle just felt weird. I'm going to miss everyone more than they can know <3

When the old me seems better
Less stress
Didn't want people close enough
Enjoyed being alone
Didn't rely on anything besides myself
I kept myself locked away so no one got close enough to hurt me

I didn't give a damn about anyone or anything outside of my kid

Knowing my kid needs a mental health assessment really makes me worry a bit. I knew she was going through a lot, but it still makes me worry that's she's going to go down the same road as me

Can I start having a dollar for each time I forget this exists? Lol

My depression has been at an all time high lately, which has been fucking with my anxiety and my energy/sleep. I can barely play any games without just wanting to crawl into bed and cry. Why am I so depressed :(

You know the bass is right when your mirrors become useless while driving. Just crank it louder to drown out the feelings

Wait, I don't abuse cannabis?
It takes me 2 months to finish one bag of gummies lmao

Oh, the major depressive, ptsd and bpd?
Oh, that? I'm just crazy

The random "hey dumbfuck, now you get to randomly just feel depressed. Suffer through it. I made it with hate"

7 solid days of working on my truck, 5 hours each day, and I've made zero progress, still at step one. Running myself until my arms wouldn't work, and still nothing
I want to cry with feeling so defeated. 6 months of fighting the same problem, and now it has to go to the shop. $400 to fix :/

17 years
17 years since I lost my mom
17 years ago, so much changed
Looking back at the last 17 years and seeing how it led to where I sit right now
I know my mom would have been proud of how I am today
I probably would have to fight her to see my daughter, though lol
She'd probably steal her, lol

I forgot this existed. Social media has never been a thing I've excelled in. I never know how to make friends and expand, so I just exist, lol