RM

okay now I generally feel bad

and maybe not even for that

Person 3: WHO ATE MY PLUMS IN THE ICEBOX?! I WAS SAVING THOSE!

[birth of poetry]

PERSON 1 (pointing): That’s a beautiful bird

PERSON 2: What if ‘bird’ really means the evanescence of all life, the simultaneous fear and fascination with death?

When my friends tell me to log off.

Know Your Birds:
Pigeon - Default bird
Seagull - Noisy bird
Dog - This one isn't a bird
Kangaroo - Neither is this one
Octopus - Also not a bird

Genuine lols

“this could have been an email” bro this could have been a time in which I was ensconced deep within the bosom of our fertile planet

this resonates with me as well, as i often am drawn back to see what people are saying about the terror/doom of the day. once i start scrolling, i lose the will and desire to post about it and usually choose to make jokes or little weirdnesses as a form of defense

Finally figured out my fundamental problem: I'm unable to fall out of love with the world.

Oh snap

Philippa Foot: I invented the Trolley Problem to expose the flaws of consequentialism.

Our entire society: Finally we have created the Trolley Problem from classic philosophical work Do Not Create The Trolley Prob—

*out-of-control trolley ploughs through the group, mercifully ending the debate*

POSSIBLE NEW IDIOMS:

sharpen the zig, sharpen the zag

staircase full of petticoat fluffers

chest like a pillow & a face like a wolf

& THAT’S a Bratislava goodbye

one eye on the flapjacks, one eye on the bellhop

g-g-g-g-g-gong it!

blah blah blah & your zipper’s undone

Julius your Caesar 😉

All I really want in life is a deep hole in the earth into which I can crawl between virtual meetings

Now I’m concerned that my toilet couldn’t pick me out of one

If we start noting seconds and thirds in things, my resume is about to get much more interesting/confusing.

This Friday. Registration link below.

#10 of 52 Fictions posted today -- my story "The Far Side of the Lake," about a boy and skipping stones and transitions and scale.

(Double digits fictions, woo!)
nickarvin.substack.com/p/the-far-si...

one serene and moonlight night, when all the waves rolled by like scrolls of silver; and, by their soft, suffusing seethings, made what seemed a silvery silence, not a solitude; on such a silent night a silvery jet was seen

One can give up, out, in, back. I’m going to start giving down and front.

Report: President Donald Trump Is Giving 'All The Boys' Dress Shoes That Don't Fit Right | Defector It goes without saying that there is a great deal of Psychology going on in Donald Trump’s second term. None of it is especially complicated, because the people involved are without exception clammy, ...

I wrote about The Florsheim Affair, and what kind of man wears the ill-fitting dress shoes his weird boss gave him to work. defector.com/report-presi...

I really do not appreciate the current Polymarket numbers on the question of whether I am a “punk-ass buster”.

If you’re having Grodd troubles, I feel bad for you, son /
I got ninety-nine problems but a chimp ain't one

[bragging to my one friend who is a medieval peasant] Man, I ate soooo much bread today

went to my childhood home recently and had a chance to sit down and really talk openly with the bogeyman in the basement. pretty decent guy actually and very sensitive. all those times he chased me up the stairs he just wanted connection. we did a pretend chase for old times sake

ME (excited): I normally don’t bother celebrities in public, but would you mind signing my phone?

SATAN: Of course. No problem at all. I get this a lot.

LinkedIn by the end of 2026

AI ASSISTANT: I’ve scheduled an updog appointment for you tomorrow

Oh you’re absolutely correct. It’s just a weird angle. My bad.