RM

If Jesus were alive today, he'd have a podcast called WWID (What Would I Do)

All I'm saying is whenever you force your brain and body to perform the tricks that you've assigned value, they meet up in secret while you sleep and plan their revenge.

[me explaining what it's like as a detective on the octopus crimes unit] Honestly, it's mostly legwork

Whenever I start to feel lonely, I just remind myself that my skeleton is in there like a forever friend, going where I go, doing what I do, loving who I love.

Absolute unit

Mom, come pick me up, the best lack all conviction and the worst are full of passionate intensity.

the weirdest part of driving one of those dune sandworms around would be where do you park it

LESBIAN BESTIE: I want to go for a hike & my dog died so you can’t say no.

MJM: Ugh but it’s dead season. All dusty & brambly & dry. It’s sounds so laaaaaaaaaaame.

LESBIAN BESTIE: You’re telling me you can’t work a Goth landscape? Giant black coat, blue eyes?

MJM (pause): I’ll see you at 1:30.

I loved them in Pan's Labyrinth

Me and the boys heading to all-you-can-eat buffet

When you want something to stick to the roof of your mouth even harder?

[looking out the window contemplatively] Been thinking about the size of my bones ever since.

BEAVER MAGICIAN: Well what do we have here little fella *pulls a branch from behind a kid’s ear*

I didn't know that I needed this post this morning until I read it.

[at a spider wedding]

congratulations to the newlywebs

Kids these days have it easy. Back when we were young, our parents loved to call us "big boned." Now kids probably don't think at all about the size of their bones.

MY SCREEN BUTLER: What will it be tonight, sir?

ME: I think I’d like my evening phone, please.

MY SCREEN BUTLER: Excellent choice, sir [takes my current phone out of my hand, wipes it lightly, and places it back into my hand]

Blowing things up, kidnapping and killing foreign leaders, is good because it's Doing. Considering the consequences of Doing would be Thinking, which is weak and woke

Dad: Where do you think you’re going?

Me: *caught applying for an art history degree* uhhh nowhere?

I regret to inform everyone that I’m thinking about stuff again.

Probably also true!

Occupant was my father's name. Call me Current Resident.

Poetry is in the business of neatening the world’s desk.

Really don’t appreciate the first-person framing of that statement. Is like to think that frogs are blissfully unencumbered by self-consciousness.

Good morning from my kiddo's kindergarten worksheet.

This is so correct and similar to those who say things like “this should raise your alarm bells.” Dude, alarm bells are the soundtrack of my life. But, say, fire alarms are not just to alert people, they’re to call an institution to action. Where’s the fire department?

I saw a comment the said we aren’t “angry enough.” But all we are is angry. Our veins circulate it like acid. It cracks our sternums. It poisons and paralyzes us. We hiss and spit at each other, all impotent, helpless rage.

We don’t need more anger. We need more direction.

FUN FACT: They're all sitting on boxes of classified documents

There should be an Earth for people who don't hate all living things