Jez Conolly

a close up of a cat with the words `` i 'm scared '' written below it . Alt: a close up of a cat with the words `` i 'm scared '' written below it .

My collection of first-person narrative horror stories, should it come to pass (and I’m approaching 50K words) has the working title ‘Dark-Adapted ‘I’’. With apologies to Barbara Vine/Ruth Rendell. Self-publish? Small press? I might have to flip a coin. It’s my best work so far. #Horrorsky #Booksky

Capture Spiral in the style of Twin Peaks

If David Lynch was still alive and had optioned a screen version of my book. C’mon, I can dream.

This looks very good...

Now with Scarred for Life seal of approval!

MAGAts don’t care. Their motivation is to upset the people who they believe made their lives shit. That’s all they’ve got.

a woman in a lab coat says i 'm gonna throw up while standing in a hospital room Alt: a woman in a lab coat says i 'm gonna throw up while standing in a hospital room

I’m actually thinking about trying to write a ‘sex scene’ in one of my stories, mainly because I’ve never read a sex scene that I didn’t think was utter rubbish. Not that I think I can do any better, just that I think I can do it *differently*. By which, I mean it’ll be gruesome and totally unsexy 🤭

The order window for this closes on 24 March, so be sure to bag your copy before then! thethingexpanded.com?sca_ref=1067...

@scarredforlife.bsky.social so nice of the chaps at SFL Towers to share this with their followers. If you love what they do, you might just love my new book ☺️

I’m beginning to think that we’ve entered the final days of the regime. The American regime. I’ve felt all along that it’s a house of cards. The collapse with be both magnificent and terrifying.

Oof, that actually hurts to say it.

I’m less a diner, more a sapper.

What even *is* that?

It’s the main reason why, when faced with continental pastries, I choose the pain au chocolat. That and the chocolat, obviously.

a person is putting croissants in an oven Alt: a person is putting croissants in an oven

If you’re an English speaker, there’s no way to pronounce the word that doesn’t make you sound like a nob. ‘Cross-ant’ or ‘crass-ont’ displays a belligerent unwillingness to even attempt the accent, while ‘kwa-song’ justifiably leads to cries of ‘who the *fuck* do you think you are?’ Impossible.

I did a cat-sit a stone’s throw away from this.

Beppie

Tiny

#Caturday

With all due apologies if this is your name, but looking through the reams of social media comments about Hannah Spencer’s win, a great many of the Reform supporters, who are fed up with the result, are called ‘Lee’ 🤷 What is it with Lees?

post a pic you took, no context, to bring some zen to the feed

a man in a blue and white striped vest is smiling in front of a wall of lights Alt: a man in a blue and white striped vest is smiling in front of a wall of lights

#DoctorWho one thing I’m curious to know: how much of ‘Disney Who’ is considered © Disney? Will they be forced to redesign the TARDIS interior? I kind of hope not. RTD2 has obviously had a marmite reception, but like it or not, it’d be a great shame to have to lose that interior. I love it.

Farage: “Could I have a wake-up call please?” Hotel receptionist: “Of course sir. Everyone thinks you’re a cunt!”

Apologies for sharing something that is probable genAI, but I do love this.

a woman is sticking her tongue out in front of a group of women . Alt: a woman is sticking her tongue out in front of a group of women .

The thing is to not worry about upsetting arseholes. This, I feel, is one of the corners turned by the Greens. They’re very happy to upset the right people. Unlike Labour, they’re not waiting for the other shoe to drop. We should be making it our *mission* to upset arseholes. The more the merrier.

So, is he seriously lumping the Greens in with Reform as a ‘party of grievance’? Jesus wept. God forbid a candidate should peddle positivity and inclusivity, and then only go and WIN the bloody thing. If the Green take on the billionaires and oligarchs constitutes grievance, where do I sign?

They’re meant to be good for you if you’re feeling sick. Let’s just hope Goodwin doesn’t choke to death on the pips…

Lotza love
Lotza love

Hannah Spencer and her wife

Hannah Spencer and her wife

It’s a little known fact that the boiling of white male piss will restore the O-zone layer and do away with greenhouse gases. Keep going.

Green grapes

Some sour grapes for Mr. Goodwin. Green ones obviously.

GB News is probably shitting blood this morning. No bad thing.

You have until 24th March to place an order - so, Thing obsessives: GET ORDERING! thethingexpanded.com?sca_ref=1067...

The Allister Heath headline generator incorporates ‘Jez Conolly’s book ‘Capture Spiral’

You know it to be true.

Method critic 🥶